The Lonely Road

Friday, April 29, 2005
When Toys Collide

Tomorrow, plastic appendages will fly as Gali, Berk, Ryan, Richmond (hopefully) and I go to another epic battle for the records. The time has come for another episode of Toy Warz.

Last year, Berk and I were talking about the idea of pitting toys together in a table top fashion, something like warhammer or the LotR tabletop but a lot easier on the wallet. We figured that we will use the toys we have and we will create a game of our own. This was the birth of it all.

The first people who played the game was Gali, Berk and I, one boring afternoon. It was fought to an agreed draw. The Gundams, Zoids and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fought valiantly and they have paved the way to the up and coming matches in the future. Back then, it was chaotic dice rolls, laws of physics, obstacle throwing, roof-popping, van-exploding, butt-kicking mayhem so who knows what will happen this time?

This time, we are coming with our real armies and set rules to equalize the game. We're talking about at least double the number of units! The setting will be up on Berk's top floor, giving us a wider battlefield and with more strategic allocations. Instead of three people fighting it out, now we have come to an expected five, each bringing an arsenal of techniques and styles of trash talking. Who knows what else can happen? Last time, the Turtle Van blew up annihilating almost every single thing in the 2nd turn! A Zoid blew up for no reason, God Gundam was wreaking havoc, Turtles were eating Turtles, all in one game.

I know it seems childish but heck, it's so much fun creating a game. It's Zoids, Turtles, Mage Knight and Warhammer tomorrow. It's going to be another epic game I reckon and this time, we will have it videotaped! I hope I can get pictures to show it here but until then, battle wages tomorrow and I can't wait.

Riding the Lightning
9:44 PM

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Monday, April 25, 2005
Home Or Something Like It

I've heard them or have read of them and they all say the same thing.

Manuel's status has been saying this for a couple of days now, "I wanna go to a place where I can say that I'm home" How much simpler is it than that? Manuel is my best friend and neighbor for a long time and when he moved to Canada, we both hated it so much. He's always been quiet and a true neutral person and maybe that was how we became friends really. He was friend who put everything in place somehow, like perfect stability. My other friends regarded Manuel as the equalizer in fact.

Around the last week before he left for Canada, that was the time I found out something that changed my view of him. The image of Neutrality and Stability was thrown away because I found out what his problem was. Little did I know, we would have the same problems. I found it hard to believe Manuel would be leaving. I guess it is nearing the first anniversary of his leaving and I just find myself writing about it. Go figure. In any case, Manuel always stayed over my house for most of the summer. It's like we're brothers really so we didn't mind at all. Our parents didn't either but thing is, it's always my house. It has always been my house. The question of why always eluded me at times but I kind of found out along the way.

There was this phone conversation that summer. Probably, the only phone conversation I had with Manuel not involving video games. That time, the enigma has been cracked. Manuel, I think didn't really like staying at home. We called it the Middle Child Curse. Where the middle child is often neglected and yet they grow to be strong and independent in the long run. He told me this once and everything attached to it. Finally, I knew, what was the equalizer's spite. That was the reason why he was always "allowed" to stay over. I guess he wasn't very happy staying at a home where he isn't as acknowledged and like me, we sought our friends. In a way, we were both alike, very much alike. Maybe even more than Richmond and I; that surpasses the psychic link I had with the guy for eight years.

Bringing him to Canada I guess changed him. For the first few weeks, he still stayed in touch but as time moves on, and school makes its demands, the distance has finally made its presence. There would be no more summers with Manuel around but at least, I got to know him fully before he left. Really, I didn't know Manuel and I were living (almost) similiar lives. We are both wanderers somehow, who became friends on the way... then parted a few years after. Both looking for home. And I thought I was at it all along but really, I wasn't. I am yet to find it just as he is.

Actually, it's kind of ironic that it was Manuel who helped me start GHOSTS all over again. Back in the first version, James was the one who helped. The first version was filled with the fantasy of adventure, intrigue and childhood epics, very much like who James is and what I learned from him. But then things have changed me and all that seemed to be small compared to the harsh realities. So was it coincidental that I asked Manuel first, of all people, to help me?

My own perception of home has been crippled more and more everyday. I hated a lot of things but I what I hated most was staying home with the family, in a room where you all have to be together and you can just feel that something is going to go on. Dad will barrate you or your brother may have no respect for you whatsoever, I don't know anymore. It's just sad. You try to be the nice guy, do all you're asked to and all they want to do is pick you apart. When you do take a stand, you end up the bad guy and that's worse. I swear one day, I might beat my brother into a bloody pulp or even go off suddenly in the night... to be alone... without telling anyone. All I wanted was a room of my own and they still paired me off with my brother and my parents spend some nights in the room also and they start taking control.

I... HAVE... NOTHING.

I can't write when I want to because someone might use the PC. I can't relax in bed because someone left his dirty clothes on the floor and let loose the fatherly fury upon us. Someone takes MY BED and I have to sleep some place else. If something goes wrong, it's MY fault even if they're the ones who made the mistake. When I try to study, SOMEONE shouts, SOMEONE watches the TV, SOMEONE orders me to go downstairs and take care of some god-forsaken errant they should have done earlier. I want to be left alone... for one frickin day where they don't come in and remind that I'm a brother or a son, that's all I'm asking for.

How different are we really Manuel, I wonder. We share the torments of every discontented teenager in the world. We are homeless in a sense that we do not have that place of warmth and comfort anymore. You have Canada, I have my own house. I guess, we're alike in a way we didn't really understand when you were still here. We, all of you who can relate to my stories, we are ghosts. Ghosts who cry their silent cry and wander in the darkness to find a place where they can rest in peace. A place called Home...

or something like it

Riding the Lightning
7:04 PM

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Sunday, April 24, 2005
Pause

So things have turned into a dismal pause lately.

The summer is hot and I don't feel like moving around. I spend the weekend with Myles, trying to find a way to entertain ourselves instead of moping at home. I go home, read some blogs, have an occasional chat with friends, play computer games then sleep. Most everyday this happens. I guess I should start writing GHOSTS but I don't feel like it just yet. Call it lack of motivation or whatever.

In a way, my life has been put on pause. Nothing has wracked me so much that I go on and sulk. Nothing has made me laugh so hard that I go on days smiling. Nothing has really caught my attention that I feel inspired to write about it. Nothing is happening to my social life either (boo ECE) . I did start driving solo though and that's exactly what I need, time alone to think.

Crap

I hate this pauses. It's like a calm before another storm comes. Why do I have a bad feeling about this? I hate being alone but it's something I need and at times, I feel confused. I want to be left alone yet I don't want to at the same time. Even if I do surround myself with people, I still feel that I am alone, go figure, but at least then I can still hear voices other than my own. But then there are times when I am alone-alone and that isn't good. That's exactly what this pause is. ARGH, I hate thinking too much. If it's not the rents (parents), it's my shattered confidence. If it's not that, broken dreams. Then love life. Then the loneliness. Then the existence of life. Then death. Then the unanswered questions of the universe.

Ho-hum. The things I think about. It's ironic thoguht cuz it all started during 3rd year summer in another one of these pauses. So many things changed then that made me who I am today. Maybe next time I can tell you about it and maybe you'll have that moment also.

So maybe these pauses are not that bad. It gives you time to change, think or sulk, whatever you need to straighten everything out. For most it's to forgive themselves, others a time to reflect and many more, don't even know but at some time, we do come to a pause and while most would bitch about being idle, it's all a matter of finding what to do with the time. Taking the pause, to get yourself started again.

Again, something to think about

Riding the Lightning
11:30 AM

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Wednesday, April 20, 2005
I am Back

I have forgotten many things. All though I am one to say never to leave things behind, I have to admit, honestly, that I have forgotten. The happiness was temporal and so were the smiles, this is the time for rekindled darkness; the darkness I once resided in. Isaac, the entity I drew from pure hate, you have come back to tell your stories and I, always your faithful follower.

I have grown to accept misery and despair. They go hand in hand to weave my tattered destiny; to live, cycling, between unbearable pains or inaudible cries. I cry alone in the dark no longer for darkness is all I am now. I can only move forward, I will NOT look back. I will live this god-forsaken existence until I come into a time where I can see that I would have no need for the dark to accompany me in my travels for as many friends and other travelers I have met, I am still alone in the dark. I walk a path of whispering ghosts and vengeful spirits but none so audible as from my own pained cries.

When I was a child, I had a minor operation wherein I was given an anasthaetic overdose. The dose would have killed me but instead held me in a coma for three months. Many times, I keep coming back to that dream because it was the closest I have been to death and maybe that's why I feel myself being cheated for something that should've happened so many years ago. I dare not say it to anyone else, and I dare not admit it so openly but this is how I feel. The years following that experience sure have surprised me. I have learned who my parents were. They were the people who cried at the side of my bed, praying and begging for God to bring me back. Now though, I don't think they would do the same. Does it have to be at the moment of imminent death that we show our true colors... or what happens is that we turn completely different, putting on a mask, praying to gods, in order to get something we want?

Questions. Questions.

As if they knew me. They never knew me. There was this time when my mother had to answer a questionaire abou me for my Days with the Lord but couldn't answer more than three questions; my name, my birthday and some other insignificance. Didn't know who my best friend was, my favorite color, my favorite food; all of it, she had to ask me, by text, on a cellphone. Who are we in this family? Strangers who just happened to share DNA? Why am I so different? Am I always in the wrong... and if ever, will I commit the same sins to my children one day? Dear god, I hope not. We came to a silent agreement one day; I vowed I wouldn't give a damn about them either. Yes, I would take their orders and listen to their outburts but in other times, I would not heed. I am wasting my time looking for attention from them, they never apppreciated anything I did unless it came in a certificate or a medal. They have no love for my interest in books, music or writing. None. People have called me many things over time, so many titles and so many stories with me but my parents, have none save the vacations where I slept, ate and read a book. What do they see me as anyway?

They didn't care when Red went to the US, or when Manuel went to Canada. I kept that from them, I fought my own anguish by myself. When I wrote about my dad, they secretly read it and couldn't understand the words and they just called it fictitious and exaggerated (mabola). They wrote me letters in my Days and they made me cry because I thought they really cared but when I read it again, it's the same words over and over; "We're proud of you" even if they don't show it, "Do your best, we're always there" even if what I did was never enough to earn an pat on the back, "We love you" even if they didn't know me at all. They were patterns and I was so stupid to fall into them for all these years. What have I learned really?

My friends were different. They are great people and I have grown akin to each one of them. I admire Richmond greatly for his pride. I admire Myles for his sympathy. I admire Ryan for his fortitude. I admire Berk for his character. I admire James for his will. And yet, what is it that they see in me? Am I seen as someone significant? And each one of them has their personal hells and who are we but ghosts who suffer quietly in the dark. I feel better with them around because they knew me, better than anyone else yet I still kept my secrets. I guess only Richmond would know my torments, being my best friend, yet there are still things I cannot say and things I still kept secret.

My hell is my own secret. I have embraced the dark a long time ago and it has always been... mine. For many times, I have thought that it was an empty feeling, like something missing or something broken but really, it has been there all along. The darkness where I cry alone. The darkness where I curse. The darkness where I hate. The darkness where I am home. I have realized and I have seen, that I cannot live without it. Not just yet.

I am back

Riding the Lightning
7:56 PM

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Monday, April 18, 2005
Silent Friend

A thought: "They met in roads intertwining; Two strangers whose lives were as different as night and day and as they were different, they completed each other. They met by moonlight and were joined by daybreak, forever together in their roads intertwining."

I remember this dearly since it was so perfect, "If everyone is the light to shine your brightest day, I'd rather be the moon to shine your darkest night" - care of Sophia (honestly, where did you get this? it's awesome)

__________________________________________________________________________

I'd rather be the last person standing by you
rather than the person who shared your smiles.

I would cry with you
And not have you cry with me

I would walk with you in darkness
even when the stars refuse to shine our path

You might walk a million miles
and I will still be walking with you

You may shout and throw rocks at me
yet I will understand

You may find love in another
But I will still smile for you

I'm happy just being with you,
Just because you were with me all this time,
Made my life worthwhile.

-Confession of a Hopeless Romantic
who shields himself with sarcasm and apathy

Riding the Lightning
6:32 PM

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Saturday, April 16, 2005
A Waltz

First of all... Cheers to Martin's birthday! Opposed to the expected ten, only 7 made it but it's all cool, had lotsa fun, shared lotsa stories and even more jokes provided by yours truly. Even more, we got to play with the notion of playing monopoly with TWO boards... god, that would be awesome. Anyways, it's great to see them again, tradition lives on.

Anyways, Richmond talked to us about the Waltz. Pretty easy dance step... i think, composed by three repetitive steps. Got me thinking a bit haha well actually, it was from watching Gundam Wing's Endless Waltz where they said that we, as people, dance our endless waltz of war, peace and revolution, like a cycle that never ends; Us, we dance through birth, life and death. So yeah, I think we're all dancing our waltz.

The quote on this blog was taken from Sandman Endless Nights. Being a great influence in my life, I somehow see my existence as part of that concept in which it portrays. Yes, I have begun believing that there are people that walk among us that have been born since the dawn of time. Yes, I believe that dreams shape the world. Yes, I believe who we are is simplified on the very moment of death. Yes, I believe Death is a release. Yes, I believe change makes you or breaks you. All of these and many others I believe in but this quote somehow touched me more deeply than others. I don't know why but I guess it's the fact that it defines people so much without them knowing it.

We are, indeed, dancing to the music of our lives but we dance to our own different tunes. Some might dance to an upbeat tune while others prefer their slow dances; some would dance with a gaggle of others yet at the same time, some people dance alone their silent steps. But really, we all dance to a common thing and that is our lives, that beat that keeps us bound to our steps, our waltz, our 1-2-3's. What control do we really have? Everyone is born, lives and dies but what differs is how we live the middle. We might all be born from mothers and all die to turn to ashes but our lives define us, it defines our dance, our beat, our waltz.

So I wonder what you people dance to. The music of money? of love? of friendship? or is it still some mysterious melody yet to be discovered? What music is your waltz?

Something to think about

Riding the Lightning
10:42 PM

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Thursday, April 14, 2005
Summer

Well, im back to the goddamn school again and every goddamn thing attached to it. Everything started with the registration period which was delayed for like two to three hours. Crap. So what happened there? I met Ryan and Berk there and talked for the meantime, swapping stories about Berk in Canada and Ryan in Europe. I never get to travel cuz we're poor haha I would like to bring the crazies abroad one day. hmm...

Well after that, Wednesday was spent for playing dota. Lotsa fun there. Myles, Ryan and I were going crazy and people started staring. A thing that is surprisingly not uncommon anymore when you think about it. Ah but the day ended and the next day was greeted by the start of classes.

Myles went to China today, he ain't coming back til Sunday which SUCKS. Martin's birthday is on saturday which picks up the week really well. As I have written back then, we celebrate Martin's bday every year since we all met seven years ago. This year we got a whole new crowd joining us; goes to show how much things have changed over the years. huh. Though some people may not make it, I do hope things turn out well.

Then there was the mystery of the tagboarder here some time back. Berk couldn't really relax after I brought it up and we all kinda played along for the while but then it just got annoying so we dropped the whole topic.

What else? Oh, had an interesting talk with Mc about a certain someone haha. I think he's been trying to help me get along with this girl I kinda like. Appreciate it, dude hahaha. But really, I'm terrified of such things like relationships and stuff yet I often have sleepless nights thinking about it. Huh. Weird. Ah well, we'll see how things play out. At least this time, I am NOT going to act like a complete idiot. well... anymore than I am already hahaha.

Oh yeah, I had my first psych class today. I'm interested really. After all the mind games in high school, I could finally put my powers to good use instead of evil (mwahaha) . We had a free cut in ES which is kinda good. Workshop was well... if the teacher says its easy and everyone says its easy, then it should be easy right? So what else is there...

Maybe I can reorganize some things in my life. Maybe fix some wayward insecurities and anxieties. More than anything, I want things to work... for people and for me cuz frankly, sometimes sarcasm and apathy just can't hide things that you feel honestly for someone. I don't know, weird, I was so sure they would work oh well. Don't care anymore if my heart gets broken. Maybe it should just keep getting broken and broken until there's nothing to break anymore, until I have no more heart.

Crap, started thinking again. But that's it really, in a nutshell, in a span of three days.

Riding the Lightning
3:34 PM

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Sunday, April 10, 2005
Quotes

"We called it Riding the Lightning but really, it was just a term for policemen when they got tazered at the balls."
-TV show

"And with THAT, I end my turn"
-Monopoly Night

"Okay, we're a new breed of something just not um... scriptwriters"
-An Identity Crisis

"Boo"
-the answer for all the shit that goes on

"Cow of Doom!"
-only thing to scare Richmond

"I'm writing a story, I'll call it..."
-My dream

"He's having his monthlies"
-Glenn in a sentence

"Let this day be celebrated for all the years to come"
-Martin's Birthday Party

"I swear, I'm going to beat you"
-Rivalries

"Shall we make it the 6th year?"
-Stanley and Myles in Monopoly

"So what's it going to be?"
"Forever, buddy"
-DAYS

"Your bowling skills suck as much as your luck with women!"
-Trash talk

"Why are you guys fighting over who has the smallest dick?"
-The Funniest Misunderstanding

"Marts, listen to this"
-James 101

"Why is it when me and James are with you, you end up getting in trouble?"
"It's okay. It's fun!"
-Gerome

"Where do you want to go for your birthday?"
"Yellow Cab! We walk"
"It's a long walk!"
"So?"

-The Wanderer's Creed

"Die Marty!"
-What everyone wants

"I love you"
-Three Fatal Words

"I'm sorry"
-Two Fatal Words

"I love her but I'm scared"
-Marty's Love Life

"Five? At a time?"
-Gerome's Love Life (hahaha)

"They're calling me son!"
-Gerome with a girlfriend

"It just isn't right if James ain't here. Let's go to Starbucks! I'll pick him up"
-Post Prom Gimik

"I did my Research Paper while you were at Prom wahahaha"
-James' Prom

"Lucky Shit"
-what they call me

"Hey marts, Look at the Sky! It's so dark!"
-Gerome in a sentence

"CLE class makes my disbelief of God even stronger"
-James' religion

"We're going to lose, we're going to lose, we're going to lose"
-Berk's first dota tourney

"I'm going to Canada in two weeks"
-Manuel

"King of Hearts"
-Manuel and Marty

"RUN, holy shit, RUN!"
-Dynasty Warriors

"I sense evil"
-Silent Hill

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
-JM, Marty and Berk in unison

"BAD TEAMWORK"
-Glenn, Myles, Stanley and I

"Holy shit, it's you!"
-Stanley becomes my classmate in English/Lit

"Canada owns them now"
-Berk and Marty's take on Jian and Manuel

"Myles... MYLES! BRAKES!"

-driving with Myles

"I'll watch your back if you watch mine"
-Joanna

"I think it's best if we never see each other anymore"
-a week after

"Talk to me"
-Sophia

"EVIL DRAWS CLOSE"
-Midterms

"PIZZA!!!"
-Myles, Marty and Richmond

"Like the good ol' days"
-Martin

"oy"
-Ryan

"Let's become pirates!"
"AAAAAAARRRR"
-Myles and Marty

"BOMBA!"
"JUICE!"

"BOMBA JUICE!"
-closest to Manuel and I getting drunk

"Let's eat at KFC!"
-Myles and Marty on New Year's

"And there goes another year"
-Something we will say for the years to come

Riding the Lightning
1:43 PM

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Friday, April 08, 2005
Brace Yourself: This is a No Rest for the Wicked Special!!! (Must Read)

I didn't think that I would have a special but certain events yesterday and today have pushed me to. Word of caution, this is a LONG one yet definitely funny and somewhat ridiculous courtesy of Berk, JM and Gali last night. It all started with those weird tags I've been getting and I thought they were from JM so, I began asking around if he did it. What happened was a series of amusing and funny conversations over three people in chat.

First, Me and Berk know only JM could possibly be that parodically funny and so we were pointing to him. Thing was, JM was making us go around in circles. These are the posts: (they might be messy but bear with me)

tmat_02 (10:11:00 PM): u wudnt happen to be Hong Kong Phooey or Miss Trann Slater are you?

dejoya5 (10:11:13 PM): wha?

tmat_02 (10:11:28 PM): hmmm...

tmat_02 (10:11:43 PM): ive been getting weird tags in me blogs

tmat_02 (10:11:47 PM): i thought it was you

tmat_02 (10:11:53 PM): or was it you?

dejoya5 (10:12:13 PM): no, i wouldn't touch your blog unless i had something to say

dejoya5 (10:12:16 PM): or would i?

tmat_02 (10:12:30 PM): hmmm...

tmat_02 (10:12:44 PM): I scare nothing. Even you become napkins

tmat_02 (10:12:58 PM): who would say that...

tmat_02 (10:13:14 PM): ur the only one i could think of that would leave something like that

dejoya5 (10:14:10 PM): seriously, i have NO idea who those people are

dejoya5 (10:14:53 PM): maybe ryan, since he's a rpg person. trann slater seems like he's
quoting some rpg wierd thing

tmat_02 (10:15:13 PM): hmmm that's interesting cuz I haven't SEEN Ryan online at all

tmat_02 (10:15:21 PM): hrmm....

(then after a while, I talked to Berk. We talked about survivor afgha then commercials then those weird tags)

hew_ritter (10:55:58 PM): JM's alibi: JM: i know you're thinking Hong Kong is me because my mom is part-Cantonese

JM: but no, not me

JM: i CAN make some funny stuff that sounds like it tho

JM: "There is a giant banana in the water fountain. Lick it up."

JM: And that's just a one-liner compared to like Trann slater

JM: who ever he is JM: i've been talking to barry all night. i haven't even touched marty's blog until he told me about it

JM: yo, i'm serious

tmat_02 (10:56:48 PM): ...

tmat_02 (10:56:53 PM): u believe it? haha

hew_ritter (10:57:13 PM): well, i cant really decide

tmat_02 (10:57:23 PM): oh, i do love a gud mystery hahaha

hew_ritter (10:57:38 PM): its just that he wouldnt do that

hew_ritter (10:57:48 PM): on a tagboard, that seems so low even for him

hew_ritter (10:57:53 PM): yet, hes the only suspect

hew_ritter (10:57:59 PM): well, if you dont count ryan

tmat_02 (10:58:05 PM): Ryan's got a laptop

tmat_02 (10:58:12 PM): but does he had internet access

tmat_02 (10:58:23 PM): which is weird cuz he just left Stan a msg

hew_ritter (10:58:28 PM): well, hed be online a long time ago if that was so

tmat_02 (10:58:32 PM): but he'd go in as muffinman

hew_ritter (10:58:40 PM): or would he

hew_ritter (10:58:43 PM): ?

tmat_02 (10:58:51 PM): oh god now ur doing it too

hew_ritter (10:58:59 PM): haha

tmat_02 (10:59:00 PM): or would you?

tmat_02 (10:59:03 PM): or would i?

tmat_02 (10:59:06 PM): or would he?

tmat_02 (10:59:07 PM): hahahhaa

hew_ritter (11:00:36 PM): i just like to apply CSI's 2 main rules

hew_ritter (11:00:50 PM): RULE 1: Assume everything

hew_ritter (11:00:58 PM): RULE 2: Assume nothing

tmat_02 (11:01:16 PM): hmmm...

tmat_02 (11:02:02 PM): maaaaaaybe

tmat_02 (11:02:05 PM): it's GALI

hew_ritter (11:03:01 PM): OO NGA NO!

hew_ritter (11:03:18 PM): uh, does he know you have a blog?

tmat_02 (11:03:24 PM): well i told him the one time

tmat_02 (11:03:29 PM): and left him a link

tmat_02 (11:03:46 PM): but he kept saying that he can't cuz he's been having net problems

tmat_02 (11:03:56 PM): so he said, il visit it later

hew_ritter (11:04:03 PM): I'm going to say it...

hew_ritter (11:04:06 PM): OR WILL HE?

tmat_02 (11:04:11 PM): ...

tmat_02 (11:04:16 PM): i think we killed it

tmat_02 (11:04:19 PM): hahahahaha

(Later)

hew_ritter (11:13:27 PM): JM: hahahahhahahahahahahahahahhahahaha I'm actually Hong Kong Phooey and Miss Trann Slater!

JM: ...

hew_ritter: AHA!~

JM: or am i?

hew_ritter: oh gawdamnit! fuck you!

tmat_02 (11:15:32 PM): now THAT's funny

tmat_02 (11:15:56 PM): so he knows about the whole or did i bit? hahaha

JM: i like complicating things

hew_ritter: shit

hew_ritter: the more your admiting or hiding the more i feel its you

hew_ritter: ITS YOU!

hew_ritter: ITS YOU!

hew_ritter: HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

hew_ritter: i dont care what you say

hew_ritter: ITS YOU!

JM: you've gone insane

JM: could it be me? maybe...could it be...? maybe not...?

JM: mystery mystery...

hew_ritter: SHUT UP!

JM: maybe it's gali...richmond...maybe it's one of marty's friends in ateneo...

JM: but me...?

JM: maybe...

hew_ritter: goto hell!

hew_ritter (11:16:19 PM): well, he started it

tmat_02 (11:16:32 PM): ...

tmat_02 (11:16:40 PM): this has been a fun day

(Meanwhile...)

dejoya5 (11:19:35 PM): oh marty, marty

dejoya5 (11:19:51 PM): you know it's never the prime suspect who did it in these whodunits...

dejoya5 (11:19:56 PM): ...or is it?

dejoya5 (11:20:00 PM): maybe it's the butler

dejoya5 (11:20:06 PM): or maybe it's not

dejoya5 (11:20:08 PM): hmmm

tmat_02 (11:20:10 PM): i think it's YOU

dejoya5 (11:20:27 PM): MAYBE

dejoya5 (11:20:31 PM): ...or...

dejoya5 (11:20:33 PM): MAYBE NOT

tmat_02 (11:20:55 PM): ...

tmat_02 (11:21:00 PM): im with berk on this one

dejoya5 (11:21:56 PM): i'm not

tmat_02 (11:22:03 PM): or are you?

dejoya5 (11:22:08 PM): am i?

tmat_02 (11:22:16 PM): aren't you?

dejoya5 (11:22:34 PM): aren't i?

tmat_02 (11:23:03 PM): hmm...

tmat_02 (11:23:08 PM): ur a tough one

dejoya5 (11:23:12 PM): aren't i?

tmat_02 (11:23:15 PM): are you?

dejoya5 (11:23:19 PM): am i?

dejoya5 (11:23:21 PM): hmm...

dejoya5 (11:23:28 PM): you're a tough one

tmat_02 (11:23:31 PM): am i?

dejoya5 (11:23:52 PM): aren't you?

tmat_02 (11:23:55 PM): i am

tmat_02 (11:23:57 PM): hahahaha

dejoya5 (11:25:52 PM): hahahahahhahhahaha i'm actually Hong Kong Phooey and Miss Trann Slater!!!!

dejoya5 (11:25:52 PM): ...

dejoya5 (11:25:57 PM): or am I?

tmat_02 (11:25:59 PM): are you?

dejoya5 (11:26:10 PM): Mmmmmmaybe.

dejoya5 (11:26:33 PM): or maybe i'm just..."clouding your judgment," detective

tmat_02 (11:26:45 PM): btw, im amazed we can have a conversation using 3 words maximum

(Then Gali goes online so Me and Berk go to him)

tmat_02 (11:24:45 PM): Gali, are u Hong Kong Phooey or Miss Trann Slater?

pogigali (11:30:46 PM): wazzat?

tmat_02 (11:31:07 PM): some guy or girl has been posting stuff on my blog that's weird

tmat_02 (11:31:15 PM): and we thought it was JM

tmat_02 (11:31:17 PM): then Ryan

pogigali (11:31:22 PM): hmmm nope

tmat_02 (11:31:25 PM): then me and berk thought it was you

pogigali (11:31:26 PM): why not berkley

tmat_02 (11:31:46 PM): he doesn't go to my site

tmat_02 (11:31:48 PM): or does he

pogigali (11:31:55 PM): wala siguro siyang magawa

tmat_02 (11:32:01 PM): hrmm...

tmat_02 (11:32:49 PM): kanina pa to

tmat_02 (11:32:59 PM): we've been interrogating JM

tmat_02 (11:33:05 PM): then we thought it would be you

tmat_02 (11:33:09 PM): now u say it's berk hahaha

pogigali (11:33:23 PM): ain't me

pogigali (11:33:25 PM): my inets busted up

pogigali (11:33:26 PM): explorer ko

pogigali (11:33:45 PM): may be its just somebody messing with ya

pogigali (11:33:49 PM): that we don't know about

tmat_02 (11:33:52 PM): hahaha

tmat_02 (11:33:55 PM): cguro

(Going back to Berk)

hew_ritter (11:27:13 PM): JM: hahaha i like screwing with your thinking minds!

hew_ritter: screw nothing! ITS YOU GAWDAMNIT!

JM: maybe

JM: maybe not

JM: or maybe it's someone you haven't thought of yet

hew_ritter: but who els can there be?

JM: maybe it's just someone ELSE, you know

hew_ritter: ive always thought of you as the scam guy

hew_ritter: remember when you switch with yer mom

hew_ritter: "guess who?"

JM: i'm touched. you remembered.

hew_ritter: i'm traumatized you bastard

JM: oh, i'm good at scams, but i've no time to do them right now

hew_ritter: ...

hew_ritter: OR DO YOU

hew_ritter: JM: DO I?

JM: hew_ritter: dont twist my words!

JM: i'm actually doing the same thing with marty

hew_ritter: you sick sick fiend

JM: i know

JM: but all in good fun

JM: it's not like i'm pushing you off a cliff or anything

hew_ritter: you making me constipated

JM: i'm just..."clouding your judgment," detective

JM: and that too

hew_ritter (11:27:37 PM): ive an idea, why not post these funi converses in yer next blog post

tmat_02 (11:28:20 PM): oh i will

hew_ritter (11:30:53 PM): then call yer blog post the 'Inquisition!"

tmat_02 (11:31:54 PM): talk to gali

tmat_02 (11:32:03 PM): okay

tmat_02 (11:32:08 PM): now he's pinning it on you

hew_ritter (11:33:23 PM): yes, yes he is. thats his style

hew_ritter (11:34:52 PM): see, he knows im good at scamming other people

tmat_02 (11:35:01 PM): are. you?

tmat_02 (11:35:16 PM): maybe u pretended not to know

hew_ritter (11:35:16 PM): truthfully yes

tmat_02 (11:35:23 PM): to throw me off to JM

hew_ritter (11:35:24 PM): and no....cos i always get caught

hew_ritter (11:35:29 PM): im a lousy liar

tmat_02 (11:35:35 PM): are you?

hew_ritter (11:36:32 PM): NO!

hew_ritter (11:36:42 PM): that that...thing on the tag

hew_ritter (11:36:53 PM): i cant DO that even if my life depended on it

tmat_02 (11:37:00 PM): hmmm...

hew_ritter (11:37:13 PM): i cant be witty

hew_ritter (11:37:27 PM): i cant be parodically funi

hew_ritter (11:37:36 PM): thats jm or gali's job

hew_ritter (11:37:42 PM): i mean youve seen what they can do

tmat_02 (11:37:57 PM): but u can parody too!

tmat_02 (11:38:02 PM): hmm...

tmat_02 (11:38:10 PM): okay i think im going around in circles

hew_ritter (11:38:16 PM): but not like that!

tmat_02 (11:38:27 PM): ey wait

tmat_02 (11:38:35 PM): JM is getting off the hook?!

tmat_02 (11:38:40 PM): get back to him

tmat_02 (11:38:48 PM): we're starting to collapse

tmat_02 (11:38:56 PM): JM's pointing it to you na rin

hew_ritter (11:39:06 PM): yea he sez he is

hew_ritter (11:39:15 PM): what do i have to prove

hew_ritter (11:39:19 PM): ive got nothing to hide

hew_ritter (11:39:32 PM): i just wanted to know who it is so i can get more from the genius

tmat_02 (11:39:53 PM): some mastermind

hew_ritter (11:40:36 PM): but now, all this for hong kong dubs, just stupid

hew_ritter (11:40:43 PM): di ko na tuloy nagawa afgha2 ko

tmat_02 (11:40:54 PM): hahaha sorry

hew_ritter (11:47:00 PM): pogigali: what... so i give sucky names

pogigali: hahahaha

hew_ritter: and those texts were sucky too

hew_ritter: something of your handiwork

pogigali: bwahaha

pogigali: wrong grammar?

hew_ritter: see fer yourself

hew_ritter: "Let us not forget to form a team up together and go into the country to inflict to inflict the pain of our karate feets on some ass of the giant lizard person."

pogigali: wtf

hew_ritter: "I scare nothing. Even you become napkins."

hew_ritter: see. what did i tel you

pogigali: nope sorry

pogigali: ain't me

pogigali: hong kong people suck in english

pogigali: so it must be a guy from hong kong

hew_ritter: what?!

hew_ritter: you're like, throwing it off or something

hew_ritter: maybe its a guy pretending to be in hong kong

tmat_02 (11:47:34 PM): ...

tmat_02 (11:47:50 PM): the only hong kong looking person i know is JM

hew_ritter (11:48:05 PM): and so we turn back to JM

hew_ritter (11:48:07 PM): ...

tmat_02 (11:48:11 PM): ...

tmat_02 (11:49:06 PM): this is getting mildly annoying

tmat_02 (11:49:56 PM): this is going to be one long entry

hew_ritter (11:51:39 PM): pogigali: JM IYAN!!!

(Finally, the startling conclusion)

dejoya5 (11:46:23 PM): i'm bored

dejoya5 (11:46:38 PM): i should probably admit to you now at this point

dejoya5 (11:47:00 PM): i mean, it was fun for a while, sure

dejoya5 (11:47:11 PM): but you're right, you're right all along

dejoya5 (11:47:52 PM): you guys have been running around in circles

dejoya5 (11:48:00 PM): so i'll give you my confession:

dejoya5 (11:48:02 PM): it

dejoya5 (11:48:10 PM): wait

(long pause)

dejoya5 (11:48:25 PM): it

dejoya5 (11:48:37 PM): was

dejoya5 (11:49:02 PM): well, it's not me, that's for sure

tmat_02 (11:49:13 PM): CRAP

And that's it. Whoever you are, you've successfully managed to get us to talk about the whole thing for hours in the night. My applause for your work, Hong Kong Phooey or Miss Trann Slater, you are some criminal mastermind. and oh by the way...

hew_ritter (12:15:13 AM): He struck again!

tmat_02 (12:15:22 AM): um

tmat_02 (12:15:24 AM): who?

hew_ritter (12:15:36 AM): the tagboarder

hew_ritter (12:15:46 AM): anonimous guy whatever

hew_ritter (12:15:53 AM): shiiiiiit

tmat_02 (12:16:02 AM): crap

So who did it? Was it JM, whose parodically funny to pull off such a thing? Was it Berk? Was it Gali? Was it Ryan? Who knows, or maybe some stranger who just happened to like the blog a lot. hahaha I don't know! But there's one thing for sure, it has been an interesting night!

Riding the Lightning
6:48 PM

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Thursday, April 07, 2005

MONOPOLY NIGHT

For most people, they spend their time with friends going to malls, shopping, bar hopping, drinking, arcading, gimiking and stuff like that but in my particular circle of friends, nothing and I mean nothing, gets the blood running than monopoly. Yes, the all famous tycoon game with the freakishly pasty old Pringles guy as the mascot, Monopoly.

We have taken Monopoly to the extremes, ladies and gentlemen. Lasting for more than nine hours a game, I dare say, we have taken the boardgame to the peak! History was somehow born out of this game and it all started when Glenn said, "I'm bored, let's play Monopoly" after that, everything was pretty much downhill. What was interesting though was the fact that it has lasted of five long years. We have known each other far too well to trust each other that the game turns into a sophistically plotted mind game!

We even made rules to spice things up like the INFAMOUS immunity rules. There was this one point where Myles didn't have any money or property but he was immune to all spots except Boardwalk. I called him a iskwater hahaha. There was this one time, when I landed in jail three consecutive times thereby, saving myself from the onslaught or orange, red and yello lanes hence, the Dodger was born. There was that time when I only owned one lot yet managed to beat the odds and won. Glenn with his supreme rule over Monopoly, all trades go through him. Richmond with his "Who so gets Boardwalk in the first turn, loses" actually works! I lost and so did Myles haha. The one time where I saw a friend's spirit shattered as he was one turn from victory when he landed on "Pay for Street Repairs" and bellowed a bitter "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" out into the night at 3am after a ten hour game, man it was awesome. But for one reason or another, for five years, two of us have NEVER won a game of monopoly and perhaps monopoly night will change that.

Monopoly night starts tomorrow. Instead of the normal monopoly in an overnight scene, the whole day will be dedicated to monopoly. We got an empty house, a bowl of chips and Spongebob the movie to entertain us. Everything else is up to body and spirit and luck. I worship luck hahaha. So tomorrow is the game, the mother of all Monopoly games for the year. We haven't had a good game for some time now and I know, we're all itching for a game.

We have our own little world I know but who else can turn a seemlessly boring game into a game of an era? hahaha. Cheers!

Riding the Lightning
9:00 PM

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Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Tch

I'd like to do some shameless self-advertising first.

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To your upper right, there is a tagboard where I would love to hear from you. Feel free to criticize any entry I have written or anything about anything for the matter. I won't mind if you post about crap from the streets, I might find it interesting and talk about it. As a matter of fact, I've had weirder conversations. Feel free also to post curses or swears on the tagboard cuz it's okay, I took out the curse filters.

To the lower right is the newly made galleries section. There is the Attack of Boredom series which illustrates what happens to a bored, slightly crazy man with a webcam. There is also the GHOSTS gallery, my haphazard attempt to create original artwork for my story. Yeah, they kinda suck but the pencil sketches are better than the computerized one cuz I have no knowledge on digital art.

On top, check out the links! Fictionpress holds my stories and all the names down there are from the wonderful people who write blogs also. They are my blog friends :P I will try to add more links to interesting sites I found.

Finally, read my entries! I can guarantee two things, you will never come here again because I have depressed you so much that you couldn't stand reading anything more OR you might actually find it interesting and continue coming UNTIL I have depressed you so much that you couldn't stand reading anything more. In any case, most of the stuff here is depressing or crazy/amusing but hey, that's me.
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I dreamed of a sunset in love today; It was weird.
I also dreamed of a car ride with friends of mine; We crashed into a truck of tsinelas.
I also dreamed of watching a movie but it wasn't a movie; it was a wedding of strangers.
I dreamed I was crying and that was true; I was crying in my sleep.
I dreamed I was running; I wasn't going anywhere.
I dreamed I was a hero; and a damn good one.
I dreamed everything wasn't real; not even me.
I thought of darkness; how much of it is in me.
I envisioned war; how it is pointless
I dreamed of love; then I woke up.

Something to think about

Riding the Lightning
9:59 AM

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Monday, April 04, 2005
Appetizers and Stomaches

Came back from DOTA with Myles and Glenn. Boy it's been long since I went out with these people. How long has it been since we all met and played a game... pretty long actually but you know, we kept talking about barkadas and stuff and how far down the road it has been. Honestly, these guys I can't live without, even if we do not agree with each other most of the time and we often get peeved by each other's shortcomings, it feels right being with them. I don't get it, we do not agree with each other but we enjoy the times we spend together; good times or bad, it's all the same I guess... Friends like that are hard to let go.

But what's interesting to note is that Myles and I had a talk about how sucky our families can be. Being Chinese definitely has its downsides and while most of you can't relate (being non-chinese), I guess deep down, we all rebel against our parents. In any case, me and Myles are actually the same in that manner, even if we do have our differences, we both relate when it comes to how pissed off we can be about them.

We feel that heavy weight of parental criticisms that feels like drills into your teeth. That feeling of not being served justice when we make a valid point. Like why the hell can't I wear black or why can't I shave my head bald. I happen to like black a lot and shaving my head ain't so much as a statement like getting a tatoo. I know my boundaries and I'm careful not to cross them so what gives? Well being in a "traditional" Chinese family, I guess it all comes down to filial piety which basically says, "Your parents are always right"

Crap

It's a foolish logic to believe your parents are impregnable fortresses of perfected knowledge. But really, what self-respecting (Chinese) parent would openly admit to his family that he/she made a mistake? Maybe they think being always correct makes them powerful in the family but really, it just pisses everyone off. Since I'm the Ahya (Eldest Brother) I am SUPPOSED to share the burden of the family, tch, are we children forever cursed to carry the family honor/bullshit? I don't know anymore. My whole family sees me as one of the best kids out there but I'm always branded as someone different. I guess most of you don't know the feeling of being a ghost or a black sheep but for me, it is evident because I do not really conform to the traditional Chinese stuff. I find most of the traditions very racist and somewhat pointless.

Well as Myles said, we will always have problematic parents cuz we are Chinese. Some rules about a Chinese household have already been so outdated that they can't seem to bend to more liberal thoughts of today's time so do I wonder why children from traditional Chinese families today spite against parents? Not really, I just think we have a very stubborn culture, just as stubborn as the parents who enforce it.

What is funny though is that when face to face with a conversation, the kid always takes the liberal side and completely silences (the parent's) more conventional reasoning but hey, here comes filial piety again, and parents call such backtalk spite and punishes you for talking back when all you really want to do is give your own opinion and possibly have a little bit of dignity in doing so. So maybe I am not really the only one facing such a problem but more over, I share the same problem with everyone else with parents that are just as stubborn.

I don't care what people say, I suck at being Chinese. I can't speak the language and traditions don't have meaning for me. I wonder what I really am sometimes and that's where I become lost most of the time. I wonder if you have ever felt lost as I do. I don't feel like I belong anywhere really except with the sanctity of people who suffer as I do and even then, I might not find home. What is home really? Most would say it's a given, something you start with. Others would say it is found, at the end of a journey. For me, it might have to be found but I doubt it, some people are just born to wander and strike up luckily to see that they've arrived at where they wanted. On the other hand, there are those who stay lost in the dark.

Something to think about

Riding the Lightning
10:26 PM

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Saturday, April 02, 2005
Sins of the Father

The house has been quiet lately and not in a good way. I have known this silence before and I fear of it, because it just means that something was up and something was terribly wrong. There was this time when my mom and dad had a supposed fight. That time, everything was quiet as it was today. When I asked my dad about it, he just said, it's really none of my concern and even if I did want to know what was happening, he just said, "It's not your problem, it's mine"

Now if I remember correctly, I'm part of this family too. So I don't know whether my dad really thinks I am capable of handling problems instead of him hiding every dirty little secret. I feel like my dad just doesn't know me at all. We're more like strangers in the same house, everything we talked about are mostly business stuff (school and his favorite, my life). Truthfully, I think he doesn't respect me as a growing person. I'm still that little kid who asks to have him leave the light open when I sleep to scare away the boogieman which is why I often find myself at the center of his constant badgerings.

I came home today and first thing he commented was the clothes I was wearing. He said something like me wearing clothes that were baduy in front of my friends too. God, and he wonders why I don't go downstairs to where he is. Whenever I see him, he gives me this look, this look that singles out every detail to criticize whether it's my hair (he hated it when I shaved my head), my clothes (he thinks styles of the 80's are still in), the computer (his excuse for everything. It's kind of stupid to blame something he doesn't understand) or just how I look (please dad, not everyone had your dashing devonair look when you were a teen (rolls eyes)). I hate it, I honestly do, I hate the way he dissects me and putting on me his expectations. Whenever I pass by him, it's always a moment of silence or a moment to criticize SOMETHING about me. We are worlds apart, I learn to accept things and he wants things his way which is why I am always the one kissing his feet.

My dad never tells me what's going on. When mom is upset, I don't know about and guess what? Mom starts hating me too and Dad, dear old dad, would sometimes let out his frustrations on me, the next best thing. My mom told me my dad had a temper and he never really knows where to draw the line. For years, she told me how she has learned to handle it but now I doubt it. Fights are coming more often and the uneasy quiet has become a full scale void in the home. I used to wonder why mom went out with her friends more often than back then and we were stuck with a sudden influx of burned or deep fried food everyday and maybe now, I do know. I don't want to think that they will get... separated but really, every fight brings me closer to the thought. All I could really, is watch.

Dad doesn't want me involved so I don't care, I'll just stay there then, his orders.

I am not allowed to be myself, so be it. I'll be myself when he's not around.

He thinks me writing is pretty pointless, I disagree and it ends with him not giving a damn.

He wants to give me crap for putting on the wrong shirt. Let him, I'll just walk away.

If he wants me to be responsible for my actions, shouldn't I dictate my own actions?

How can I live like this for long really? My mother finally caved and the fights here become more often. I isolate myself in my room and try my best to escape meeting them in the hall. I do not want to talk anymore, it's just so pointless to talk to someone who thinks his way or the highway. Am I really a bad kid? Who knows... I sure don't. I can't be myself at my own home because I'm always a subject to him, he who gave me my life and even if I feel that it isn't fair, I have to obey because he is my dad! and he sacrificed so much to keep me alive... freedom or obligation, that is basically my family life.

What do I do then? I really don't know. I have no home to be at peace with really. Everything's so fucked up that it seems so pointless to even wake up in the morning. There was this one dinner when my mom asked me whether I had friends who had family problems and I always felt proud to know that my family never had such problems... then I grew up.

Riding the Lightning
7:19 PM

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