The Lonely Road

Sunday, November 27, 2005
Moves

Here's an irony.

Some of my friends know that I'm writing a story called Lonely Roads. It's typically a story reflected on my life and what has happened so far. I have written 2 chpaters so far and it involved people moving. Now the main thing about these chapters is that it says something about moving from one place to another, more specifically, everything changes yet some things always stay the same. Know what I mean? I love travelling stories in general, be it a trip to the market or an out of country experience, travel always has the makings of a good story to tell.

Just this morning, I had a dota tourmanent with some friends of mine and during the morning, I had to go to Myles' place to get a ride. When I got there, everything was all too familiar and then I realized, this was what I had written not so long before. It surprised me that everything resembled the opening scene, even the people involved. Everything else, went like clockwork. Myles and I talked about our history of moving and it was funny because he told me his house's history by numbering each vermin he had eradicated over the course of years (ranging from ants to rats). All the while, sharing with me some handy household poison making tips haha.

It was so much fun to just talk about houses, moving and history. I often wondered if it was possible that a story can reflect so genuinely in the lives of people and now, I think they do. It is lovely the way things turn out and I never stop being fascinated by it. I wonder when I'll move again or some person I know does. The new year is fast approaching and with it, tidings of even greater changes. I never did like changes happening but I like the stories that come with it.

Just something to share

Riding the Lightning
10:24 PM

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Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Sunday Morning Essays

It doesn't seem like I need to write anything down but seeing as this place seems to be so quiet now and that many of my links are starting to decay as no one updates as much, I feel a need to write down something at least.

I wrote an essay for a contest a friend wanted me to join. It was an essay out of topic for me, it involved moving away from apathy. I didn't know how to write it because how can I write something that contradicts me? That sunday morning, I woke up with a great idea how to somehow go around the point and I ended up, pointing the finger at me. The words and the emotions were easy to write down after that, I didn't feel restricted or felt like I was a hypocrite as I wrote the essay but at the same time, it was really hard to face the fact that you are one of those people who hardly care about anything else but yourself.

I used to care. I used to care about a lot of things. What I cared about most was the fact that everyone I knew had a problem I couldn't help in. I cannot stand it if I cannot help a friend in need but at the same time, I wouldn't lift a finger to help a complete stranger. Is that evil? Am I all wrong? It's selfish, yes but I couldn't save the world. I would love to be a superhero and save the day left and right but I'm not, I accepted that, I cannot do anything.

Sometimes, I think it's better if I just didn't care about anyone but myself. That's one of the voices that always whispers at the back of my mind; just make some jokes, be sarcastic, smile, make it look like you care, that's what it says. What then, do I then throw away everything I believe in, everything I have lived for until now? I don't think I can stop caring.

I write this down to finally close that essay I wrote on a Sunday morning. The contest limited me to 2 pages where I could have written more and I can't settle for that. There is much to say about apathy but I think there is much more to say about giving a damn instead. I give a damn about things, especially things I want to protect. I do not like writing about things I do not care about, I'd rather write things I do care about. That essay seemed all wrong for me, it wanted to point fingers but honestly, I wouldn't have liked it any other way. Call me crazy, but I'd rather write something I can feel guilty about rather than something I can feel nothing about.

Just think about it

Riding the Lightning
6:39 AM

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Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Personality Disorder:	High
Schizoid Personality Disorder:	High
Schizotypal Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Antisocial Personality Disorder:	High
Borderline Personality Disorder:	Low
Histrionic Personality Disorder:	High
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Avoidant Personality Disorder:	Low
Dependent Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Moderate
-- Take the Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Info --

Cool, I'm a mess

Riding the Lightning
7:12 PM

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Monday, November 14, 2005
Start of Second Sem

As I woke up, I realized that I wasn't in sem break anymore.

So school started today. What can I say? Everything felt heavy again. The day started with PE class which Ryan was my classmate yey! Apparently, my other blockmates took TTH PE's but I didn't mind because a 9am PE class meant a parking slot every MW. Ugh boring

Then there was Physics class. The prof didn't show up but I did get to see my blockmates again. It was fun, kind of like one of those reunions in Survivor but more like Survivor: Electronics. Yeah, we discussed what everyone got during the finals, who made it, who didn't. I can't deny the fact that some of us didn't do to well but I don't blame them it is a tough subject after all. I mean, come on, this is sick. Strange thing though was that I didn't feel comfortable around these people again. Maybe because I spent the break with my friends that I forgot how it felt like to be with people like them. That's always the hard thing about me, I don't get comfortable around people very fast, kinda takes a lot of time.

After that was my socio-anthro class which kind of interested me. I'm always fascinated by people and their behavior but I don't really like to know them. Weird huh? SA might just give me that opportunity. And hell, if there's a topic about insanity, I'm up for it!

The day ended with ELC 102. Mr Monje is our teacher again and from what I heard, it's going to be ELC hell all over again. Already I can feel my heart pounding away down on my gut telling me to jump out the window. But the thing was my classmates are my blockmates only so I felt more comfortable.

The long drive home reminded me of something. I remember taking my wallet out to see an old card I had, a King of Hearts and on each side were two names, mine and a good friend of mine who has left the country before the 4th year of High School. Nostalgia is not one of the things that I want to experience but I guess what I'm trying to say is that, I should face the fact that things will end after some time. I'm kind of an expert in that and I never forget that fact. This sem will end one way or another and I'll move on with my life like everything does but for now, I'm going to drive my ass to school, face hell, cross my fingers, hope for the best and maybe perhaps, go out in a blaze of glory.

Man, my writing's gone bad over the break

Riding the Lightning
10:12 PM

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Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Shooting Sem Break Stars

I have never seen a shooting star. I might never see one for real but at least I've met people, who like shooting stars, pass by so magnificently and brightly in our brief moment of meeting

There was this one night when I was chatting with a friend about sci-fi serieses; how I end up never finishing one. It's kind of a bad coincidence every time I ventured to reading a sci-fi book in a series that it goes on until they stop selling the things on the bookstore, always leaving me hanging for an ending. I always hated that which is why I never collect sci-fi series books anymore, I read novels now because at least they have a definite start and a definite end.

Though at times, I never really want to finish a novel... I hope you're getting the symbolism here

I'm now counting the final days of my break. The final days until I have to drag myself back to school and run through hell all over again. Kinda reminds me of that guy, Sisyphus (?), who rolls the boulder up a hill only to have it roll back on him, that's college life for me. Seems too short if you ask me, heck, everyone thinks so. Just today I found out that I have passed my ELC and in saying that finally, I can get a good night's rest since the thought of it has rid me of good sleep for the whole break but now as less than one week is left, I worry again about how I'm going to survive the toughest sem yet to come.

It makes me want to scream and pull my hair out in a way.

I had a great sem break. I spent time with my friends and rekindled the good old fun we had. Everyone's so happy and to think, everyone was dying from the horror of last sem. The same people who stood by me are still with me, I'm thankful. I spent my whole sem break with them making it seem like any of the summers I had in High School and I had fun and I was happy and I didn't have to write because nothing disturbed me. Nothing until now that is. It annoys me that the coming week is already the start of the toughest sem for ECE students. It annoys me that I have to claw my way to the next break. It annoys me that I do not know the ending of this frickin story.

So I'm going to cut this short

Riding the Lightning
11:01 PM

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