Monday, May 29, 2006
Friday, May 19, 2006
Friday, May 05, 2006
Thursday, May 04, 2006
May
This summer gave me a LOT of new memories. It's been the 9th straight year for me and my grade school friends; the best darn group of crazy people I have met. You know, I've met a lot of people over the years and spent a great number of time with each of them but for that one time a year, it seemed to make such a bigger deal. I guess maybe it's the 9 years of meeting each other at the same place and all. If I ever find myself lost, confused, depressed, sad, in despair or anything, I guess I'll always have something to look forward to.
Summer class may have just given me a place to belong after these first two years of ECE ambiguity. I've gotten to know a lot more of my coursemates and found a group of friends to belong in. It's starting to feel a bit more comfortable in this trying course. The classes were hard but then again, I look forward to the one and a half hour break where we just hang out and talk about anything funny. It feels better to be around school more.
I also went out with Sophia after 3 years of not meeting each other. Even though it's just lunch, it was such a big deal for me. I'm crazy about this girl yet I always seem to fall short of asking her out. But then again, I still took a shot and what do you know, I got a break haha. I was finally able to give her the bracelet I had bought in Boracay when the thought of her passed my mind. Man, I was all nerves that day. I think she's the first girl I've gone out with since... oops, something I shouldn't talk about. But in any case, I had a great time and I hope she had a great time too. I have to admit seeing her after so long made me feel... um, I don't think I can say it out here. Sorry hehe. Miss you, beautiful
Hay... should I talk about it more? I miss this feeling. I don't feel angry or sad anymore which makes it hard for me to write. What's happening to me... I don't understand. If I remember correctly, I was always angry about something but now, I don't feel the need to be. Tell you something though:
"Every time on the way home, I pass by that street and I remember how I have let things go so easily without trying; how I always choose to drive the opposite road, the road meant to be not the road I had wanted. Would you have given me a chance if I did or would I have to suffer the pain of heartbreak all over again?"
These words formed in my head on the way home, when I passed by the street she used to live in. God, get over it. I'm thinking too much again. If it's not meant to be, I'm not complaining.
Let me share a little about May. May is the month where it starts to rain, the month where the first showers begin. Our history teacher always said that the rain brought about the symbol of life or a new beginning yet I always thought of rain as the tears I couldn't cry. As May begins, I feel the heaviness in my heart again as I remember... my first heartbreak and how a dear friend and I had to part ways. I am reminded of dark afternoons on my windowsills, fighting the urge to cower before the sound of thunder just because I wanted to see the raindrops fall.
I like the way storms brew. The clouds start to darken little by little, hardly noticeable until its already there. Then the first trickle of raindrops begin to hit my arm, sending shivers and then a strong wind kicks in as the rain begins to drop heavily and covering everything in this white shine. You never notice it but things glow when hit by the rain. I love rain, it reminds me of so many things; good or bad but more than that, it reminds me that summer... has ended.
I wish I could live everyday like summer; feeling the tingle of adventure, the excitement of a date or even the lazy afternoons spent at home, love every minute of it. I wish I lived summer everyday.
Riding the Lightning
11:20 PM
I Have to Write Again
The funny thing is, I write less often so maybe all that anger and rage has finally, slowly, seeped away... or maybe, I just don't have anything to write for anymore... I don't want to say that haha. I've just been having a slow day that's all. Things are definitely changing, that is always something to right about. There are people who believe in me, I should never forget. I have to start writing again. I have to. Even if I wrote out of spite back then, it shouldn't be the only thing to fuel me...
I realized that when I was talking to you, beautiful. You still believe in what I write. Thank you.
Riding the Lightning
7:34 AM
Dream of Doors
What happened instead was that as I fell on the floor after being pulled, I scurried back to my feet and turned around to see for myself, a door -- that was partially openeed as if to invite me to take a look. Naturally, I did and what awaited me was an even darker hallway which was lit by just 3 or so lights at each side. I felt afraid then because I've always hated unlit hallways. It's just one long path to dead ends and you never quite see what's at end until you do and when you walk down the hall, you never know when the doors to your side will suddenly open to drag you in.
Then you were there smiling at me, hands crossed behind you. You looked so beautiful, I wanted to run to you but I find myself unable to move. An odd feeling starts to sink into me; uncertainty, fear and anxiety? It felt like that but... didn't. I start to think that it was a dream then you came to me, whispered in my ear that, "Indeed, you're dreaming", then you smile again, made my heart melt and kissed me lightly on the cheek. I felt warm; warmer than I have ever felt. I feel the blood rush to my face as I begin to blush, and you just smiled at me.
I didn't know why I did, what I did then but I found the nearest door and went in. I left you in the hallway and hid myself. All I could think of was how to calm myself down again. I felt warm and uncomfortable, awfully so. I opened a window in the room to cool myself off; feel myself numbing again, blocking the feelings surging in my veins. As I sat in the room there alone, I twiddle my fingers and then find myself drawing doodles on the walls, only to find myself drawing doors; tens, hundreds and eventually thousands of doors in the room I was in.
Which to take? I didn't know. They were doodles on the walls after all. The pen runs out of ink and I sat back, exhausted unable to choose. They were just drawings but why did I have to choose then... Finally, I arrived at an answer....
I woke up
Riding the Lightning
9:31 PM
Astranged Complement
... Interesting
Riding the Lightning
11:29 PM
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