The Lonely Road

Saturday, April 21, 2007
The Dark Knight Returns

Let me ask you, what makes a man powerful?

Is it the amount of time spent in a gym... or the perfect genetic combination... or perhaps freakishly good luck? There are many measures to a person's power... by strength, wealth, fame or influence to name a few but for a man to stand before gods, that can one possibly show for? All people are mortal, they live and they die -- from dust to dust, all of them powerless in the end.

I learned what true power was when I read about the bat himself. Originally, he was just a man... a very pained and broken man, whose parents were lost when he was young -- very aware of his mortality amidst the myriad of gods he stood along and against with. Yet, Batman stood equal or even above these gods despite that and I've often wondered why... until I delved more into who was the man behind the mask.

There was one thing Batman had that nobody else had and that was answers. Batman always trusted his mind above everything else, even to the point of discarding his emotions for logic's sake -- that's what I know anyways. That's the thing I admire the most out of him. He shut off a lot of things that would make him happy for the sake of a higher power. A billionaire, he was a billionaire but instead of living a ludicrous life of luxury, he secluded himself from society to become something more than human -- as with the movie, "To become more than a man... a symbol." With these things in mind, Frank Miller made Batman immortal not for just you or me, but for everyone who will ever come across the Dark Knight himself. That is power, my friends -- true power.

But Batman is not a perfect person... far from it. He has learned the harsh lesson of loss in a very early stage in his life and he carries this burden to advocating justice throughout the rest of his years. The guilt over the loss of his parents haunts him and gives him reason to live the way he does... that is the most human side of Batman for even if he stands before you a symbol, behind it all, he's just as human as you or me... vulnerable to the pangs of reality. That's why I guess he retains his life of seclusion. This kind of life has warped him and consumed him... retribution is what drives him now -- he has made this his life and to turn to a life of luxury, of comfort, of happiness will rid him of that purpose. In the end, Batman will never let go of his burden because that burden defines and gives him meaning.

I can't help but feel a great deal of admiration for the bat. He's like the coolest hero ever and he's human! HUMAN! He goes through shit like any other person out there but with a kickass superhero twist. The truth is, I kind of understand how it feels like to carry your sins like Batman does. It keeps you grounded and focused on something... whether it be retribution or redemption. There is something in people like us that want to seclude ourselves from being human, I don't know what to call it -- I think hubris is the word or maybe it's a word that hasn't been invented yet but the point is, this thing can bring out the best from the worst of things and has the power to turn men into gods.

I can only hope that one day, I will find that in myself. That power to become someone more than a mortal... while at the same time, to always remember that I am still.... human

Riding the Lightning
11:11 PM

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Thursday, April 19, 2007
Insert Warning Here

I stay awake thinking about you. It's so hard to let you go.

I'm in pain.

Too many things remind me of a happier time and the truth is, I'm tired of playing games. If you don't like me, I wish you said it straight to my face so then, I'll burn down all remembrances (if there were any) and maybe move on.

But I can't.

Instead, I wait. I wait for you to look my way, to reach out to me, to hear me... I wish it wasn't like this but I'm finding it hard to deny my feelings towards you and that gives me all the more pain... because you just don't give me the time of day. I'm being tested I know but why is it so cruel? What did I do to deserve this aside from coming to terms with my true emotions? Time and time again I find that the truth is something not a lot of people want to hear and even more strange is how much I'm willing to put up with that crap to have myself broken again. Life's not fair... you're not fair... nothing is.

Just... just... leave me alone...

Riding the Lightning
6:27 PM

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Monday, April 09, 2007

A Beautiful Song for a Beautiful Girl

Endless Story
~ by Yuna Ito (translated in English)~

If you haven't changed your mind
Then I want you by my side Tonight

I'm so tired of always having to bluff
Everytime I think about you baby, I feel so young
If I could just tell you I miss you
It's so hard to say I�m sorry

You see, I want to sing this song, not for just anyone
but just for you
An ENDLESS STORY that keeps on shining
Always, I wanna show you, forever and ever

Memories of our time together
this way, they don't go away

Once I knew that the warmth between us had disappeared,
gentle tears started to spread over my chest
This is not where it ends, I'm missing you
please don't let go of my hand

You see, I wish I could sing this song, just for you
just one more time
An ENDLESS STORY of undying love
tell me why, please tell me, forever and ever

You see, I want to sing this song, not for just anyone
but just for you
An ENDLESS STORY that keeps on shining
Always, I wanna show you, forever and ever

You see, I wish I could sing this song, just for you
just one more time
An ENDLESS STORY of undying love
tell me why, please tell me, forever and ever

Riding the Lightning
12:40 AM

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Sunday, April 08, 2007
Whenever I Close My Eyes

Hey Beautiful...

I sometimes wonder, in my fond musings, what love feels like. It is in my common belief that only fools, idiots, the weak, the vulnerable and the lonely are those who succumb to this foolhardy emotion -- ironically, they fit my description and the general populace of this earth. They stumble and laugh at sweet no-meanings, giggle at nothings and make sense out of things that doesn't need sense to understand at all. So I wonder, why? Is logic thrown out the window when love comes by or does your mind go into overdrive as it pieces together signs, signals and actions you and said interest emanate?

I have no idea. I gave up finding equations to put it in a box, what I do instead is to run away from it when it gets too close. Reality has taught me that love is never enough. There are beautiful people meant for beautiful lives together but the feeling runs out and they part ways. Case in point? Celebrities -- such beautiful people, at the pinnacle of their lives but their relationships last for just a few years. I've known people who tell me time and time again that they've met Mr. Right or Ms. Perfect but I gave it no more than 6 months until they start bawling to me about "so much time wasted on what's-his/her-name" in which they did, in record time.

I can't understand it so I run. I save myself the trouble and run then when I find time to catch my breath, I say to myself that it was the right thing to do -- stop it before it even gets started because one thing was for sure about love, it won't happen if you kept your distance and stick a pole at it to keep it away. Yet, at each instance I run, my heart gets heavy, not from running away but from what I realize to have lost. Have I lost anything from what wasn't gained in the first place? In logic, I didn't... but in love, everything.

I got one text message that told me about it. Why cry for something that wasn't gained in the first place? Why cry for love when it wasn't even felt... when it doesn't even happen in the first place? I used to think that it made sense... that, in some respect, love is something gained and lost like some sort of bargaining chip you hand out to people you want to give it to but I was wrong. Love doesn't make sense, it laughs at it -- that's why rejection hurts so much. You do everything right; you make all the right moves, say all the right words and your heart puts you in the perfect -perfect- place and it seems like you are ready to let it consume you until your said interest rejects you. It doesn't make sense to feel everything to be right yet in the end, turning out to be just plain wrong.

The only solace I have is that it will all pass one day. In five years when I have a job, matters of the heart will feel so insignificant and love will find no place in me -- no place to hurt or taunt me. I'm afraid of it, I truly am since it's human nature to fear what we don't understand, it's just that in my case... I might be afraid of being loved. I'm afraid I can't take care of what was entrusted to me and I'm afraid of hurting other people so until I grow up, I'm afraid I'll have to keep running... down my lonely road.

I have to admit, there came a point when I went against the things I have just said. I let love (if you called it that at the time) cloud my judgment and I swooned for sweet nothings and no-meanings like every other person. I also admit that it was bittersweet that the very thought of her made me have sound sleep for days. I liked her but maybe that was what was so wrong about it because I knew deep down, that she didn't feel the same. Whenever I closed my eyes, reason would wrestle with emotion and always, ALWAYS, emotion would win but such a small battle couldn't win the war. Your heart is in the right place... but that doesn't mean that you'll get what you want... it never does. Love is never enough.

Running makes everything easier. Denial makes everything easier. Distance makes everything easier but none of these things make things better. Not one and this keeps me up at night.

I really wish we had the time and the place... but intentions are never enough. I'm afraid, I miss you.

Riding the Lightning
7:32 AM

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