Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Heaven's Night

"Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth." -Ayn Rand
She's late but I can wait for 10 more minutes. I've always been waiting... for her I mean, it's kind of a routine. I usually gather my thoughts in anticipation of her arrival -- I'd think of the first day we met, the first time I asked her out and sometimes grimly, how it's all going to end eventually. But all those thoughts vanish once she steps through those doors and flash me that smile of hers -- that smile that just, simply, made my day worthwhile.
Time suddenly goes by slowly as the tune starts to pick up. Raindrops begin to patter harder down on the windows and I wonder if she'll be late... again. I reckon she would be, she always was. The raindrops eerily follow the tune playing in the jukebox as it continued its melodramatic tone. I start to wonder, as I look outside, if she'll ever be on time. It's me who's always early and waiting -- never the other way around. If I added up all the times I've waited, it would have been equivalent to a sizable number of weeks or even months. I then wonder if I have been wasting my time. Sure, she's the love of my life but is that really enough for love to happen? I don't know...
On one hand, the chivalrous thing to do is wait patiently. She will come if I wait long enough and maybe one day, the waiting will be all worthwhile when things finally come to place. But how is that a promise? That hope I cling to may disappear so suddenly; in a blink of an eye and I will then find myself at a loss of a sizable number of weeks or months from waiting. The other option is just to get up and leave. I mean, just run while it's early. I'd have lost nothing of particular interest and I wouldn't have to face disappointment things falling apart.
Maybe I just shouldn't think about these things. Just let things happen for the meantime, have fun, drink my coffee and all that. It's not like I'm in a rush anyways and besides, I... kinda like the way things are for now. I don't know why but at these quiet times, my mind gets clouded with ideas of such things but I guess it's because it's coming to a time where I do have to think about it. Know what I mean?
*Sigh* Ten minutes shouldn't be long now...
If I can wait ten minutes for a smile to make my day, then I sure can wait for a longer time for love to come my way. Count on it.
Riding the Lightning
11:32 PM
Generic Blog Updates
Things that I hope will happen in a few years:
1. Snow in the Philippines
2. Study Writing and Create a Story
3. Be Mentored in Comic Book Writing
4. Work Part-Time in a Bookstore (hahaha)
5. Find a copy of the Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay
6. Learn to Disco
7. Bar Scene >:)
8. Travel the World
9. Maging Ninong ng mga kaibigan ko (get busy, guys hehe)
10. Websling
Things I hope will not happen soon:
1. Lightning hitting my head
2. Rise of the Mole People
3. 2nd Ice Age
4. The Rapture
5. Marriage and Commitment
6. Fantastic Four 3 and Ghost Rider 2 (movies to haha)
7. Real Life
8. My Children
9. Losing You
10. Mr. No Sunshine
Currently Listening to: Snow Angel by Kotoko
Currently Reading: Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman
Currently Feeling: (as Aldrin put it) Marty-ish
Currently Writing: SH Survivor c/o Berk
Currently Wearing: My Black Jacket
Currently Watching: Some Concert on TV
Currently Thinking of: Well... I won't say out loud :P
Currently Hating: EngPs172
Riding the Lightning
10:29 PM
You went by me in a second, like a fleeting dream
and it took that one second to remember how long it has been
I miss you, Beautiful
Riding the Lightning
12:29 AM
20 Things I Want To Say But Probably Never Will
1. I wish you never happened in my life. I've met total strangers who have more character and class than you. People who actually treat me as a human being.
2. What the fuck are you teaching me? How is this significant in my pursuit of happiness? Your boring lectures will not ease the pain I'm going through.
3. Good God, you're not me. Bakit ka nagmamarunong?
4. You, by far, have been one of the most inconsiderate people I've ever met in my lifetime. How dare you say that after I stood up for you when no one else did. I am not your keeper and most certainly don't want to be.
5. Apparently, they let cold-hearted bitches in the Ateneo
6. Why can't something fall on your head right now?
7. SHUT UP, SHUT UP, I HATE HEARING YOUR VOICE
8. You know how I feel about you so I don't have to say anything. I'll always be here when you need me to be. Promise.
9. Love me
10. That lightning bolt looks awfully good... better, when it's hitting your head.
11. Out with it, woman! Do you like me?!
12. My friend, stop dragging me into your problems. You have body parts like everyone else, you can talk like everyone else so why is it so hard for you to relate to another human being? I'm sick and tired of hearing you rant about no one liking you and really, that's because you don't like yourself. Have a backbone, man. I'd hate to be the only one attending your funeral.
13. tsk, bakit ko pa ikaw nakita ngayon? Hindi ka na lang sana nasagasaan.
14. *crosses fingers* Class over, class over. Life over, Life over.
15. I'm so much better than you right now, I find it hilarious. You like kissing the ground, you bastard? Say my name, you piece of compost. Beg and grovel. You are nothing compared to me. Nothing.
16. Thank You
17. I Love You
18. THINK WITH THE HEAD ON THE END OF YOUR NECK, NOT WITH THE ONE IN BETWEEN YOUR LEGS
19. Why couldn't I have fallen in love with you first?
20. I know, deep in my heart, that it's going to be you and me. No matter how dark it gets, you will always be the light that shines my way; the moon in my darkest night. God bless the two of us.
Riding the Lightning
1:08 AM
Of Love Talks and Car Talks
Tick... Tock... Time is running out
Why is it that we're having love talks lately? Is Neslie right in saying that we've come to that age when all we can talk about are relationships and love? On one hand, a friend of mine told me that I'm a coward in denial of his feelings. I refute that I'm being realistic haha. Besides, genuine feelings of love shouldn't have to be said... that's just a formality. In the long run, it's really the actions you take in which case, I have no idea what I'm doing, I just do what I do because that's how I feel hahaha. Gets niyo ba??? Stop talking to me about my feelings!
Other side of spectrum, if you love someone why do you have to look anywhere else? Ah yes, the question of where to draw the line in "cheating." Hoho hot topic recently or maybe, you just want the attention (that's kinda low, man). My opinion? You're a free man until you have a title in your commitment. Any questions of cheating beyond that is up to your conscience. So girls, as much as it might sound insensitive, you have no influence over a guy's choice to meet other people until you land him haha or if in fact, he loves you immensely. (Oh yeah, goes for guys also but it's just that guys do most of the cheating these days :P)
Then there was the hypothetical question of what will happen when I find the girl who I can commit to haha. Apparently, my friends said that I'd probably be really serious about it. Etel also said that whoever I end up will be really lucky to have me. All I can reply was "you have got to be kidding me." Carlos' reply was funnier. He said I'd end up with a girl who is perpetually happy in that when I feel angsty, she'd invite me to play Guitar Freaks to cheer me up haha. Once he started babbling about the time when I get married, I shut him up right there.
After such Tokyo Tokyo talks, we resume normalcy. The next day was greeted with the placement office exam thing. It's that time of the year again when I'm reminded that I'm not meant to be in this course. The results were the same, I'm spontaneous, creative, artistic, social and bad at math haha BUT I can be a model if I want to. Ask the test :)
The night of that same day, I got to talk with Aldrin about a lot of stuff. Most of which, I'd rather keep between ourselves haha. Sorry Mark you won't get anything out of here. It's a good thing we didn't go in-depth with love talks again. I don't want to talk about my feelings anymore than the next person. Don't make a big deal out of that anymore, man. I assure you, everything will be fine.
Then we go to just yesterday. At the end of the day, the magic boys went to Trinoma in the hopes of signing up for the Release tournament of 10th ed. Barbero ang nagsabi na meron sa Trinoma haha. What happened was Anjoy and Mark rode in my car then nagchismisan haha. We talked about most ECE topics, old ones and new ones brewing under the radar. We also realized that Mark was a chismis junkie and I was his dealer... what? I resent that remark. Our batch is so interesting, so many issues going on... especially this sem but I digress, I can't put anything up here. It's not in my place to say such things so... publicly, especially when I don't know all the details :) so Mark, I repeat, you won't get anything out of here. If anyone asks, WE KNOW NOTHING.
Okay, that's it. Simple things from the past 3 days... Love talks, Gossip and Indecipherable Babble. Two more days til the end of the week. No emo today sorry haha.
Riding the Lightning
8:41 PM
To the One Who Holds the Key to My Heart
Too bad things didn't turn out the way I wanted it to be. It would have been so much easier to fall in love without getting hurt all the damn time but like a friend of mine said, love and pain go hand in hand -- they are inseparable.
In fact sometimes, I wonder if you're even real. Honestly, often times I feel like I'm talking to a wall and it makes me feel really stupid to have even tried. Yet, amidst all that one reply seems to make me skyrocket to a kind of happiness I don't feel so often. And I think I'm hanging on to that for far too long... because it's starting to hurt. It would have been so much simpler if you said you hated me or didn't like me or that I'm an idiot rather than having to say we're okay because I'm not. I tried and I'm not okay.
There used to be a time when I could talk to you. Yeah, I don't know if you remember those times anymore but they happened and those times meant a lot to me. I didn't have to feel nervous or anxious about giving you a call or anything because you'd be there and you always gave me the time of day. I was happy with that at least since I somehow got the feeling that I did something right this time but now... it seems like it's all just going wrong.
Things change I admit. My voice falls on deaf ears now and I don't know whether or not I should keep hanging on to what joy I felt when you were around. Do I mean nothing to you now? God, I knew I shouldn't have done anything that would show my feelings. I didn't even have to say anything, you just somehow picked it up. ****, you shot me down before I even had a chance.
Did that change things? Even if you said, we'll still be friends like we always have been, I can't see that. You have your own world and I, mine -- I might not be a part of that world of yours but mine, mine revolves around you. "Like we've always have been"? I dunno, it sure doesn't feel the way it did. If not, it's like you aren't even here anymore. I don't know anymore, I'm confused -- what do you mean?
In any case, I won't be able to get any answers now. I try to keep our friendship alive but it can't live with a one-sided conversation. This isn't my feelings for you talking, this is my properly sane judgment. I really wanted us to work, even if we are going to be just friends but then again, if you want to keep this distance between us, it can't be helped.
cuz it's too painful talking to a brick wall time after time.
Riding the Lightning
7:19 AM
Life is never always filled with butterflies, you taught me that
You were harsh yet realistic, optimistic at the same time
Why is that? How can you smile when you know it's going to hurt?
I could never understand that thing about you until I learned firsthand,
how it felt to be crushed under the weight of pain and sorrow.
That day you said goodbye, that moment where everything went black.
That instance the stars didn't shine anymore.
What can possibly come out of the pain you left me, I wonder.
I cry out in my dreams, searching for an answer
but no one replies save you, your voice is the one thing I hear.
And it's wretched, absolutely wicked as if to
taunt me
mock me
pity me
Never to console, to ease, to humor or entertain.
It was always about pain.
Has it always been painful? The way things were?
Yes, definitely. It had always hurt whenever I remember you
and even more so when I say to myself, I'm moving on.
And though you haunt me every single day,
I try to keep smiling for the sake of the people who actually care.
In that resolve, I have found my cure against your curse.
You never cared.
It never meant anything to you.
Everything that went on, you admonished, to never have happened.
You'd rather say I didn't exist to keep yourself happy
and I let that slide, thinking that it was for the best
for both of us to have never met at all when we did.
I permitted myself to get lost and blame myself,
never once thinking that it was you who didn't want to be friends anymore
I tried my best to be friends again, to sacrifice my own feelings even
just for the sake of our friendship
but it wasn't enough was it?
Apparently, our friendship wasn't worth saving
even though I...
Loved you
I thought that would make it stronger but it just tore it apart
You ended it, not me. You didn't want to be friends anymore
You didn't want me to have ever happened in your life.
That is the most painful thing anyone has ever said to me,
and I will never forget that.
I thought you were my friend and I loved you as one
but to have you say that to me...
destroyed everything I have ever lived up for
So move on with your happy life.
Move on towards the future you so hope to achieve
I, on the other hand, will never forget the pain that you have left.
I will curse you over and over, hoping that you WILL feel the same pain
because I have had enough of hypocrisy and broken promises.
"Friends" is a word that you so conveniently throw
at anyone who gives you a second look.
Never again, bitch
Never again
Life is never always filled with butterflies,
and that's because of people like you.
Riding the Lightning
1:10 AM
FICTIONPRESS
TOUJIN
M Y L E S
R E D
C H A R M I E
R O M / L Y N
A C
S T A N
A P O L
M A R K
M I C O L E
D A P H N E
L E O
B E N
G E R O M E
A L D R I N
S A N D R A
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
January 2008