Sunday, December 12, 2004
Black and White
In reaction to my blog some time ago, I got this interesting response from an anonymous friend of Lester's (anonymous, I mean, I don't know her/him):
"""""""""black isn't a color.. it's the abscence of it.. it's not dat it can't possess dem,it absorbs dem ol but can't reflect it (like ur brother i guess)..think of its counter-part..imagine you're a painter,if problems r colors dey better b white 'cos dey need 2 be reflected, shown, and discussed..it's really hard 2 b agitated w/ melancholy smiles but it's harder 2 hide 'em.. u can do it, jus paint 'em ol with white..""""""""""""
My sentiments. Yeah, a real eye-opener, even inspiring somehow. I have to admit, my life is black. It's a void that swallows everything in and never lets it out. Colors, well, they are complications in my case. It makes everything a whole lot simpler to see things in black and white yet I am never a two-sided coin, more like a 20 sided die. I have a lot of faces and many things in mind that there is hardly a time I find myself with a blank thought. What can I say? I think and dream too muchAs for white, I am fond of it also. Let's just say, I see black in all things just as I see white. I do live somewhere in-between these lines and I have found my peace at last. It might not be tranquil serenity but it's good enough for me anyway. I'm not sad, I'm not angry, not even wholly happy, just in-between. I learn to let go feelings that do not matter anyways, it's tough but it's a cure. Try chinese medicine some time; tastes awful but works wonders.Listen, some people may be worried yet some might not even care but I'm fine with it. It's just because I think too much and am pretty used to fixing things on my own; if not by active action then by passive acceptance. Some things may never work for me anymore --I know-- accepting that your first love didnt love you back or maybe never fulfilling a dream far enough to see it through but I get through anyway. I just put lots of distractions to keep it off my mind. You see, Black may be a void but White can also blind. I know my friends want to look out of me and by god, the last thing I want to know is them worrying about me but that's simply it, I don't want anyone to deal with problems I have (save you Richmond, you know me too well haha) Heck, I'm writing anyways, it keeps the frustrations away. If I'm writing too depressing stuff well that's just because you see me happy too much. It's Black within a White. Trust me, I don't smile with a fake smile, I smile because I do; I learned never to make a big deal out of anything that shouldn't be a big deal. Things you see here are afterall, Musings.As for melancholy smiles, I do everything in my warmest sentiments. Agitation will only last for at least, a day til it runs out of my system that way, vindiction never becomes part of my nature... again. Hiding things is never the answer. It's like the Telltale Heart, it's bound to drive you mad one day. So for the person who gave me this quote, Thank you. You are very insightful and sweet for having given me this advice even though we have not formally met. Black is an absence of color and I do need to change my colors but White may not be it, maybe something else in-between.
Riding the Lightning
9:53 PM
