Thursday, January 27, 2005
The Snap Out/Headbutting moment
In a comic it read, "You made your own hell" In that case, I damn well dug myself in it.
The one thing I like about this blogging thing is that, I can damn well pent out any anger that lingers in me instead of the usual headbutts on my door, and still come out into the day smiling happily and fooling everyone else that I am okay.
Well... like anyone's the wiser right?
Gimme a moment to focus everything...
3...
2...
1...
Today is one of those fucking days when the screw that's up your ass just goes a little bit deeper. The start of the week comes with Math Midterms and as everyone knows how I looooo(rolls eyes)ooove Math, I studied the whole fucking weekend for it. I read the book, the did the question sheets and spent my whole 2 hours, count em, two hours studying math straight. Furthermore, I spent English and Poetry class studying and at the end of that, came MATH MIDTERMS. It was like, by the end, all my studying was for nothing really. The fucking test had questions I didn't even have a clue of solving. Goddamn it all. How can anyone expect an average joe like me to pass that test with me, tired from school after staying from 9:30 to 6:30 in that hellpit. You have got to be kidding me, 9 frickin hours in school, ending in a midterm. That blows man but oh wait there's more.
Tuesday, in Math class, my prof announced there will be a quiz on thursday. I was like, "what the fuck" Our prof is okay and all but that's like a slap to the face. I got home the day before thinking I can lay off Math for a while but no, some malignant stroke of faith decides to kick me in the gut. After math though, Physics came. Ah, another fun subject, especially with a teacher that doesn't even teach the subject and expects us to pass the 5 fucking unit course.
Our Physics subject is spent on half-baked discussions and long silences. A few questions and a few blunders and they call that a course. Fucking ass subject. You spent 20 minutes on a question, FINALLY get an answer then the prof suddenly takes you back bec she missed out a detail and then after just says, that's it. Fuck. I swear, it's like she's from another friggin planet. Oh and by the way, quiz on thursday. So make that a kick to each testicle.
TODAY is Thursday and guess what broke the camel's back. Advisory Marks. More specifically, PHYSICS. A fucking F. I passed my first LT, right on the dot but when the grades came back, turned out I was 8% shy of passing. WHY?! because the quiz and assignment components were low. Well, I beg to differ, I WOULD do better if I am actually learning something. I ALSO beg to differ, if my teacher was actually competent in using my tuition for a DECENT teaching session not some wishy-washy bullshit. I passed my homeworks on time but my grades come in the option of 3 letters ( an F, a C or an A) then excuse me for not devoting my entire life on Physics, EXCUSE ME if I still have a life to tend to. Bullshit man, you pass everything but you get a lousy 1 point for a night's effort. Oh by the way, 1 can very well amount to a 0; they're both F's. That planet where my prof came from can only read in odd numbers. I would understand it clearly if I was given an assignment I can look up on or at least be taught in class but let's rule out learning in class because that is utter bullshit.
Right now, I'm having that itch to inflict some maniacal rage upon something. But I'd rather not, insanity doesnt hit you all at once, it comes from a residual loss of control. Nothing like going ballistic in a glass room with a baseball bat. It'd be so relieving to just let go and run. So comes the question whether or not I can still stay in ECCE. If this course demands people to be able to understand aliens in Physics class or take in Math like ice cream then by all means, show me the exit. I cannot be as smart as them, hell no, I have other things I'm interested in, just that I can't get it here. All I want is to finish this course, get a job, make money to jumpstart me into doing something I actually want.
Hey, a direction, finally.
Okay, that's it for me really. Rage is all gone now. Just a little more self-loathing and I'll be as good as new by tomorrow. Now excuse me, while I resume headbutting the doorway.
Riding the Lightning
7:33 PM
