Sunday, May 15, 2005
Afterwards...
I've been floating around nowhere these past few days.
I play dota during the week with friends and the same scenario repeats: win or lose, nothing extraordinary. I go home and miraculously sleep a few hours earlier than usual. I wake up earlier than usual too. I drive to school, no one's there so I take some peace with the fresh morning air and perhaps read a book or review for a coming test or quiz. I meet either Ryan, Myles or Stan and go play dota, end the day, go back home, chat with them. Sometimes, I play a little Diablo 2 to keep myself busy.
Lately though, I finished Part One of DM... going to take a break from that right now cuz I'm making a new story. It's messy but what the hell, I want to appreciate writing in another style at least. Interesting what fuzzy said sometime back,
tmat_02 (11:09:57 PM): malabo konti akin pero sample lang naman
myk_chua (11:10:19 PM): it's pretty nice for a 'malabo' piece
tmat_02 (11:10:35 PM): months and months of practice
He asked me to edit a description about a park then. I appreciate the comment haha.
In school, it's the final countdown for the week. ES finals was deemed optional (yey) but we still have research to do and a test on tuesday. Psych however, we still have a reflection paper to do about toys, a group position paper about homosexuality and finals. Workshop, we need to complete our power supply and take finals on saturday. If you ask me, things are piling up but I'm not worried at all for some reason. I guess if you can get through something as awful as the things I have gone through, tasks like these are pretty easy to deal with.
This was funny, I was giving advice about relationships with Jao some days ago. I wouldn't really call it giving advice though, I think the answer came from her in the long run anyways:
angelica_jao (9:55:04 PM): i really need to think this out
angelica_jao (9:55:08 PM): but thanks
angelica_jao (9:55:18 PM): i needed some assurance
tmat_02 (9:55:39 PM): and ur taking the word of a bitter, loveless, hopeless romantic?
angelica_jao (9:55:57 PM): you rock at it
And speaking of relationships, AC and I had a chat yesterday also. He was bored and I was bored so we just talked about any sort of weird stuff in the sun. For example, Jollibee's gender issue, what is Grimace, what is a Dionysian Archetype, shit like that but at one point, I came up with a certain revelation:
tmat_02 (4:22:11 PM): ugh girls
tmat_02 (4:22:25 PM): sometimes u think they're really worth it
tmat_02 (4:22:36 PM): pero they know EXACTLY how to break ur heart
tmat_02 (4:22:38 PM): hahaha
akhoum (4:23:38 PM): waah!
akhoum (4:23:42 PM): oo nga.
akhoum (4:23:55 PM): one minute, they're cozying up to you like you're the only thing they've got...
akhoum (4:24:31 PM): next minute, they're moaning to the beat of another guy's
tmat_02 (4:25:42 PM): akin kc iba
tmat_02 (4:25:53 PM): akin, it's like ur doing everything right
tmat_02 (4:26:07 PM): but in the end tho, it doesn't do anything
tmat_02 (4:26:25 PM): kc naman
tmat_02 (4:26:33 PM): girls have this kind of romantic fantasy
tmat_02 (4:26:39 PM): of meeting the perfect guy
tmat_02 (4:26:56 PM): usually lasts all the while from teenage years to early adulthood
tmat_02 (4:27:03 PM): then they start dating
tmat_02 (4:27:11 PM): and they get a huge reality check about guys
tmat_02 (4:27:27 PM): so then they start looking for security instead of mr. right
tmat_02 (4:27:44 PM): in your case, friend ka lang, ur not mr right
tmat_02 (4:27:49 PM): kaya wala ka magawa
akhoum (4:28:00 PM): huwaw...
akhoum (4:28:11 PM): you understand 'em better.
akhoum (4:28:13 PM): grabe...
True? perhaps. I just wrote out of the heart, sometimes I'm not even conscious about what I'm writing. Lastly, in the face of total depression, Stan made a point to cheer me up somehow. Ya big buffoon hahaha, ya know I don't like getting people involved but what the hell, thanks for the concern.
stanman_2k4 (5:06:24 PM): but i'll say this for the nth time
stanman_2k4 (5:06:45 PM): there'll always be people around, if worse comes to worst open up. Even if we won't understand, let us listen
Tch. Maybe. I have not openly told anyone about myself. Not even to closest friends. Really though, you just gotta live your life the way you want it. "Kill Buddha as you see him, Kill the Father as you see him" No one should dictate the life you live. We are our own masters and it's really up to us how we want to live.
In another zone of Marty's inexplicable life, Ryan had deemed me "the guy who can talk anyone into depression" Boo Ryan. In the little circle of friends, I have become the "goth". I talk about Death and depression and how everything's pointless from time to time and it affects people, in some weird way. I guess my Endless says it all haha. I think I'd make a good guidance counselor one day hahaha. What kind of kids will go out of my office I wonder?
I'm not depressed. I'm not happy either. I'm in between. Nothing is rocking my world ... yet. I hope things work out for most people out there, I hope they work out for me too. Loveless, bitter, dark yet friendly, warm and loyal, I wish it wasn't so difficult. Ah well, a dreamer can dream.
Once again, still looking for heaven
Riding the Lightning
7:18 AM
