Friday, May 20, 2005
Culling of the Weak
It all started one thursday morning.
I rued that thursday for three things. I had to finish typing a segment of our research paper then finish an individual synthesis for our journals and psych class but none so more chilled the core of my very soul than the power supply that was due that day.
You see, we have this workshop class which requires us to construct a fully functional power supply by the end of the summer. The days were long, hard and hot and I just really can't get to doing the power supply right. I am being bothered too much by other things that my brain just seems to get baked by workshop time.
This day though, I had my work cut out for me.
My power supply was only half done and so I was going to stay in school for at least until 5 pm. In the morning tho, I got up at around 5 am and checked my equipment one last time. To my horror, I realized that my switch was missing. The blood drained away from me as I realized the fact that I may not be able to finish my project today.
I drove to school with half a heart, thinking about just skipping the morning class to go to a store to buy a new one. Luckily though, Tal had some missing parts too and was going to SM in the 1 1/2 hour break we had before workshop.
After psych, we bolted to SM. SM was closed til 10 am so we had to wait it out in his car. Swear, it looked like a stake out. When we got there, the store Tal went to didn't have the switch i needed. So we went around looking for another store which was farther around SM. My feet ached as walked fast to get the switch. Luckily, with my own personal stroke of luck, we found a switch. we hurried off and drove back to school.
We arrived an hour late and to my surprise, there was hardly any room left since some other students sat in our class to finish their projects too. I eventually found a place and began to work. My new switch didn't fit in its hole so I had *ugh* file it. I had to drill holes on my case and cover that time and my lack of focus caused some mistakes. Plus, the drills needed for the holes were missing so I had to wait til they were replaced. The humanity!
My stomach grumbled bec of the fact that I hadn't had anything to eat since last night's dinner. I filled my belly with water to keep myself full though. The end of the period came and I knew it was crunch time. I was going to stay til 5 definitely. I took the soldering iron and got to work. The fumes of lead went directly into my head and at that moment I felt dizzy but I persevered. My lack of focus also cost me a little hurt. While adjusting some metal wires, I accidentally stabbed the inside my nail with the wire. My thumb started to bleed but I didn't let that stop me, I was too cramped for time.
So, I had my first attempt checked. Problem: my prior blunder of making the fuse hole too big got the better of me. The fuse was too big and was in contact with my transformer. Solution: drill new holes and attach them all over again. God, the transformer was already in place and I had to take it out again. I almost gave up that time but I remembered that I was not one to quit and maybe talking to JM the day before made me realize something in me that keeps me going. Anyways, I did just that and fixed it. I had to make adjustments to my board when.... one of the wires got cut. Right then, I was about to lose it but I kept my cool.
I resoldered the wire into the board when suddenly, the copper of the board got torn off. Okay, that was it, I was so pissed off but really, perseverance is what I needed. I soldered the new wire to the next possible connection and prayed to God desperately to make it work.
Moment of truth, checking. During checking our technician pointed out two problems. Some of the knobs were loose and I had something backwards. Urgh, no matter, no matter. The time was 4:30, I wanted to just storm out but I figured, if I can't do this, I can never amount to anything else. I firmly believed I was a guy of great will and I wasn't going back on that. For 15 minutes more, I readjusted my project. My hand was hurting and my fingers were swollen but it didn't matter, all I wanted was to walk out that place and say I made it work and eventually, that did happen. I passed the power supply and it worked. As I put the power supply on the shelf, I felt the different wave of pains I had blocked out to survive.
I checked my watch and saw that it has been 24 hours since I've eaten anything. I smelled of metal and iron. My vision as blurry and my hands and feet were shaking. I almost fell to my knees when I got out of the room. In the midst of it all, I couldn't help ... but smile. I did it.
I drove home and pumped up the radio for some triumphant Blind Guardian celebration. The feeling of finishing the project was something I have never felt before in college. I always thought I couldn't do anything right and I was right but when I tried my best, I could still pull it out of the bag. Luck and will have become my two pillars, with these two, there is no way anything can stop me. I feel relieved to think that I can make things work even if it's crappy and messed up. I did my best and persevered, it got me something and I'm happy to say it was done. Perhaps this year, things will be different. I relearned something I used to have, Willpower.
Nothing has challenged me that much since that incident in the 3rd year fair and now, I remembered how it was to feel that power to do something. I am not backing down and I don't quit. PERIOD
Riding the Lightning
6:26 PM
