Monday, June 20, 2005
Bats and Roads
AWESOME!
in one word, is Batman Begins. If that wasn't a prime masterpiece of cinematography, then I dare say, the movie industry is full of shit. God, I've never thought I'd see Batman as the Legendary Dark Knight in the movies, that Batman resides only in the hearts of many comic book fans and seeing it on film was just... just... I can't find any words for it! I wouldn't mind living like Batman, you know. The loneliness of his cause, the torments of his pains, the riches he has, I wouldn't mind that kind of life at all. I'm ready for my costume please. I can't wait until he squares off with the Joker, a villain in my top ten.
Aside from Batman, I have also began rethinking about my whole point of writing. After some time recently, I started to doubt WHY I was writing. Honestly, I think it started with attention. I wanted attention and being the person who I am, I am not comfortable at all with letting people know who I am so I found writing, and it caught some eyes and for the time, I wrote for the attention... one day, I confronted that feeling of mine and tried to see if I can write only for my sake.
I found it inadequate.
I started to think that maybe I was writing for all the wrong reasons (Thank God to JM that he still believes that I am meant to do it and gives the most help) I admit, even if I say that what I write is for my personal joy, deep down, I think I'm not writing from my heart because of the fear that I may reveal too much so I manipulate my words and sentences to seek the approval of those who do read them. It was for the wrong reasons hence that whole month of empty inspiration.
I began to write because of a certain pain coming deep from inside my soul that never seems to rest; an inkling feeling that keeps me up at night; a nightmare neverending; a tear never drying. Writing invokes the feeling of pain and agony I endure as I wake up in the morning and see that I, as well as others, live in an imperfect world with imperfect people all of whom seek a piece of heaven promised and fulfilled only at the time of our demise. So many things I've fallen out of. Imagine you started on something so beautiful and later on, after a few years or stories, you find yourself as a person who wasn't the same anymore and more over, the thing that was so beautiful, the thing you chased after seem to fade out because you have lost your light.
*Sigh*
Why do I write? I started to question it again and I found my answer again. It may not be the exact same thing as the first time, but I learned a little more about things I never really understood the first time around. Why do I write? Me to know
You to find out
Riding the Lightning
4:45 PM
