Monday, July 25, 2005
Days of Penitence
I had a very disturbing dream last night and I woke up again in a cold sweat. I dreamt I was walking down a street, with a crush of mine, and I felt myself smiling at her. Her touch was warm and her eyes were dazzling, I felt like I was walking on air. As her hand softly brushed against my arm, I felt a tingle of electricity surge in my blood as I notice that I had begun to blush and she looked at me and giggled. Out in front of us, I could see a radiant sunset and as a cool breeze blew past us, our stride drew closer and closer until we were in a huddled embrace.
Probably a nice dream if it wasn't for the fact that later on, the dream evaporated and my crush told me there was someone else.
Her eyes became empty and gray as she told me and suddenly our embrace parted and I was left alone in the cold, as the sun sets and darkness consumed me. Then she was gone. I woke up shortly after that and realized that my hands were shaking.
Fuck ass dream.
It has been going on for at least two days now. Same feeling for every dream. It sucks. My mind is not in the right place. I have an electronics test on friday and yet my mind is not on OP-AMPS or Mesh Loops or Nodal Analysis --no-- my mind was set on something else. Crap. Argh. I don't want to think about it. Too painful to remember.
Agh. For the past week, I've been trying to harden a bit more than usual because I've been having these "dreams". My blockmates particularly pointed out I was being bitter a lot more than usual and I didn't attend the writer's workshop because I was really not into it (sorry, Ryan). Moreover, I find myself hurting to some particular songs and the rain isn't making things any happier, rain just reminds me of something painful. Ugh, I'm in a slump. I hate these luvey-duvey feelings cuz it ends up hurting me more than making me feel better. I don't know how people can live with it, I think only the beautiful people feel good about it cuz they have a chance but really, what about the nobodies right?
So I'm in a hardened mood and I'm pretty sure no one will give a damn, as always, I have to deal alone. Cool thing James told me was that even if no one gives a damn, doesn't mean you can't pick yourself up. Also as Marco told us, "Sana na lang nga gawa tayo sa bato" and sometimes, I do wish that I was made of stone, things wouldn't hurt as much.
Anyway, I guess that's it. Let my days of penitence begin
Currently: The Second Day
Riding the Lightning
9:12 PM
