Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Fear of Driving
It begins to rain again, and I am reminded of tears.
The wind was cold during my walk across the dry empty spaces in the campus parking lot as I stared out towards the setting sun as dark clouds begin to gather above me. The leaves danced to the melody of the coming rain as they circled, sped, and fleeted by me, and all the while, I just said to myself, "Oh shit"
I felt for an umbrella or something to shield me from the rain but there was none. I was going to get wet, that was for sure. The leaves on the trees rustled violently as the wind picked up speed, the cold breeze numbed my face upon contact. It was cold and I knew, the rain was going to heavy so, I tucked my hands into my pockets and ran to my car, fumbling for the keys to keep myself from the rain. But as I did, the first drops fell on my hand and I realized that I was not opening the car anymore but instead, leaning on the windows, an arm over my eyes. Tears, so many of them. They fell on me like so many nights when I sit alone and wonder why sleep couldn't bring tomorrow any faster.
I would wake and see no light in my room and as I try to sleep again, I cover my head upon blankets hiding from some mysterious monster that knows I exist, lurking somewhere I can't see. I could hear the rain patter against my window, like the tears on my pillow somehow telling me that I was still crying and as I touch my cheek, I find it wet with tears yet never realizing as there is no light in my room. Strange, now that I was letting the rain pour over me like misery's attendants.
Riding the Lightning
9:06 PM
