Thursday, August 25, 2005
Believing in Magic
Monday, I got my ELC test and failed. Now, the prof announces: Friday is your next test. First thing that ran to my mind was HOLY CRAP and as I raked my hair back in frustration, it dawned on me just how much was at stake in this next test. Probably the dawning threat of failure now hangs above my head like a gray noose, ready to strangle me.
As much as I have prepared, I could only hope and pray (once again) that I will pass this test. It's not the kind of test you can study but instead it's more of a test where you just have to know how to answer everything. Logic ain't my strongest point after so I'm really scared. For the first time in a long while, I am very afraid. Some of my friends though told me not to give up but it's hard to see such feeble hope.
Carlos though, told me something different. He gave me a piece of paper and told me, tear off a piece of that paper whenever you say your going to fail and given up hope. The task is stupid the first time I thought about it, what's the point anyway. Then he said, at the last instance, there will come a time when you cannot tear it any smaller, keep that piece, that is how much hope you have left...
Astounding
And now, I keep the paper close. I tore a lot of it over the week and ended up with a piece of bigger than a potato chip, such small hope. I question it, will it even matter?! Does that small piece of hope hold any meaning at all?! Can I pass this test with such small hope?! I'm going to find out the hard way tomorrow. One thing living taught me, you never get anything easy. This is no different than every other morning I wake up to. Okay Carlos, give me a little hope, let's see if something so small can surmount to something so big. I'm doing my best, I studied as much as I can, I did my end. Can hope push me past the limit?
Right now, I remember... all the heroes I believed in growing up and how they manage to pull a rabbit out of the hat and save the day. Amongst immeasureable odds, they win. Amongst so small hope, they triumph. I grew up in that world and even now, that kind of thinking rules my actions; I know hope lives in such a small amount and from then until recently, I ignored the fact that hope survives amidst adversities, amidst bad guys, amidst doomsday plans. Hope is defined by the hardships we face. I hope for this time though, it might save the day.
You might say I'm making such a big deal out of a test... yet, if you live in a world of problems and troubles, how far am I from hitting the bullseye?
Riding the Lightning
9:14 PM
