Friday, August 12, 2005
Flying on Raven Wings
A lot and I mean, a lot has been happening lately, all of which seemed to have sprouted out somewhere around the time the rainy season started. For one thing, it's been well... different talking with people and maybe because they've changed or I have. Usually, I'd look forward to going online, going to YM and maybe catch a time to chat with friends and stuff but now, it doesn't happen as often. All I hear in YM are lab report meetings, emotional outbursts regarding teenage hardships and questions about dota. Hmm... things have definitely been weird, it's like people around me packed up their things and moved again.
There are still some instances when I do engage in a lengthy conversation like with Pierre and how we reminisced HS friends in dota terms or talking with Berk about making a bad action movie or even with Richmond when we talked about a certain mystery but other than that, it's been quiet and from what I have seen, things are definitely shifting once again. College has made my college friends busy and somewhat distant that I don't seem to know what's going on anymore. For all I know, people are failing, people are getting their hearts broken or people have started a new endeavor, I don't know these things, I feel like I'm left behind.
I guess most of all, I miss something or someone. Everything feels so lonely. At the times I spend waiting for my sundo in the cathouse, I suddenly find myself hushed as I see the whole sky above me dim and more rain start to pour above me. Then I realize that I am so small, tiny, minute, and that I was alone and at that moment, more than ever, it bothered me. I've always thought I could go through everything without loving anyone, that way, I thought I will never be hurt or get hurt but then waiting out in the rain, you realize how cold it really is and how you'd wish that you had someone to be with you to keep you warm. I, on the other hand, preferred a black jacket, with hands in pockets, shivering. That then, I said, "Shit" as I felt my heart, my iced stone heart, possibly start... to melt. It sucks being alone but then I've always been. I never really liked people being inches from me, it makes me uncomfortable, like they're trying to pry something out of me but that's just me.
God, reading this, it's such gibberish. Who cares right? Sorry I wasted your time, I'm really not in a good mood.
Riding the Lightning
11:51 PM
