I'm gonna write a story. It's going to be a commitment over the free time I have during the sem break. I miss writing, I miss that feeling. It fills the void. It's the only way for me to change.

Change sucks. It's like a tornado that just drops on you. You get thrown around like a ragdoll unable to control your movements and later on before you realize it, you're on your butt on the dirt amongst the remains of your former life. Yet now as I look at myself, nothing has changed over two years and as much as I wanted stability at one point in the past, I now find myself doubting what I have said.

I never had a firm foothold of anything during the first 16 years of my life. The history of my moving from house to house is a long one (one worth telling in some later time) and each place I called home, there is a certain history that I add into my little box of stories. Each house was a new adventure and brought new experiences that helped me change to who I am now.

For those sixteen years, I have gone to same school, Xavier where I spent more time in than any one house. I made that place sort of like a second home because I new almost every place there is to go and the friends I made are like family to me yet during this time, nothing was ever at the same place. Each year brought new faces and colorful misadventures with the gang. I never really had one gang because I cannot be content to a small group of friends. In a way, I wanted to be in each circle to get the best out of everything. I never wanted to stay in the same place, I always had to look for something more. The ones who stayed with me until now are the true friends I've met along the way while some just disappear after our brief encounter.

I have had many friends leave the country and each one took away some part of me. It annoyed me that the closest friends I have end up being taken away which is why I'm always skeptic of making new friends if they only end up leaving or forgetting me. Believe me, I don't need that. Red, Manuel, JM, Angelo, Jian and soon, Glenn will leave and what's left then? There never will be a continuation to the sagas we have started. They'll all just have to end. It feels too soon to have an ending. Who will leave next? I don't know... maybe one day, it would be my turn and what then? My chapter here would close and a new one will begin elsewhere

But that's not the case

I'm not going for a while. I'm staying put. Change isn't coming at all. I miss it, really. I miss the thrill of each adventure, of each saga that each day offers. My 19th year is coming and this is probably the time then that I will mark that nothing has changed. Amazingly, after 16 years of whirlwinding changes, I have stopped for the instance and have the peace to say to myself that, "Nothing has changed". Change sucks, yes but we grow to live with it. I've lived with it for 16 years and I have hated it but it's like a wicked mistress that seems to give you something you love all the while slapping you across the face.

One day, I might wake up to another adventure and maybe then, I can get off my butt and feel myself alive once again but now, I guess, I sleep and wait until it wakes me.