The Lonely Road

The name's Marty

age: 20
sign: Libra
hobbies: writing, reading, games

Quotes of my life:

1. I spent half my life betraying a friend or an ideal I believed in,
The other half is spent trying to find the strength to say "I'm sorry" -Nighthawk

2. Nothing should be able to do that, especially not love -Rose Walker

3. By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe -V

4. When you're on you're knees you're closer to the ground -Tori Amos

5. Why must the grieving be so short and this life so long? -Silver Surfer

6. You should never forget that people do care -Richmond

7. Love was never meant to be such a crazy affair, and who has time for tears? -Akira Yamaoka

8. Friend, at your service! -Berk

9. Happy is me cuz only u make urself miserable -Myles

10. Safe to say, everyone believes in your willpower -Glenn

11. On the road to redemption, just because we are told not to forget
doesn't mean we have to go through things alone -original

12. One true friend is better than a dozen liars -confessional

13. Just live life -James

14. I'd rather be the moon to shine your darkest night -Sophia

15. Life is a circumstance -original

16. Better to live in solitude than feel alone amongst a crowd -Faye

17. That's why ice cream stores don't only sell Chocolate and Vanilla,
Once in a while, someone comes in and orders Butter Pecan -Ralph Digby

18. And so, I'll follow you through the darkness of this world, no matter the pain,
Because I know that you'll be there to light my way -God Knows

19. Sometimes, people build walls around them to have people knock them down -???

20. Now, you listen to me, James Hawkins. You got the makings of greatness in you, but you got to take the helm and chart your own course. Stick to it, no matter the squalls! And when the time comes you get the chance to really test the cut of your sails, and show what you're made of! Well, I hope I'm there, catching some of the light coming off you that day. -John Silver

Still some more to be found...

Monday, October 03, 2005
Help Wanted

I need my friends now, more than ever because I don't have enough strength to stand on my own two feet. I feel weak and helpless. Powerless. The stress is too much and the pressure is boiling over. I can't do this myself. For the first time, I need a shoulder to cry on.

I cannot describe the feeling I'm having because I have shut it off so long ago but yes, I feel the warm trickle of tears starting to swell on my eyes as my heart becomes heavy with grief and fear. I feel so weak now as I came out today out of ELC class to know that I have failed my LT. A 35.5 out of a 100 specifically. That just shattered me. Sure, we are given two cancellable tests but I have 3 failing LTs now to make up for. I have one last shot and I don't know how I can possibly pull this one out of the bag. My parents weren't any help either. Just now, my dad said that I will not be allowed to shift anymore. Not ever. This is it. Tough love right? Not a fan.

No one ever gave me the quiet comfort I need so much. It's all been stay strong, chin up and do your best. That's how it is at my house. There is no room for quitters or sensitivity here. Be a man, that's what they say. Never cry, what they teach you. Be pessimistic, it keeps you sane when disappointed. I hate being that person. I am not perfect. I can't pass everything in my life to keep my parents proud all the time. They don't know me well enough then that I am only human. I have my weaknesses yet now they tell me that I must not, absolutely not, fail. But what if that is what is going to happen? I can't bear the fact that my parents will not have my back when I fail. As dad said, "kung bumagsak ka at umiyak ka, di kita pa rin ipapashift. Tatapusin mo yan" Yeah, that sure gets me to a studying mood, daddy dearest. What does he know about the course I'm taking anyways? He had his own share of mistakes also. Heck, he was worse. I try my best yet if it doesn't meet to his standards, it doesn't matter. It's crap, I have to do over. Everything, just to make him look at me and not get disgusted by the fact that I cannot finish anything.

It doesn't matter anymore I guess whether or not I do my best. I guess all he wants is results. Results, grades, that diploma. All he wants is that I pass but what if I can't?! Dammit. I want him to be proud and I want to finish my business like he said and I believe in what he says but what if I can't do it? I am damned.

I need my friends now... more than ever. I need their strength and spirit to keep me floating. I have never asked anyone for strength before, given the fact that I have very pessimistic and somewhat sarcastic friends, but I wish for this one time, they will believe in what little hope I have left and keep the fire burning. I can't be perfect all the time, no one is. What happens to Superman when he needs help? Does he carry on himself? Perfect and invulnerable? Not always. Who does a Superman turn to?

It's too heavy now, the tears are starting to fall. I have admitted defeat. Writing to myself... I guess that's pathetic also... I don't have anyone to talk to so I write to myself possibly for other people to visit, read and offer me sympathy. It's pathetic; like a dog begging for a few scraps of food to be happy. That's what I am then, a pathetic miserable dog begging for pity. It's the only thing I got left then. I am now begging, begging for my friends to help me.

If it comes and I fail, I hope I would have someone to lean on to
If it comes and I pass, there will be no greater joy to know that I am not alone
If it doesn't come and I pass, everything will be back to normal. I have done it again, alone.
If it doesn't come and I fail...

...

Goodbye

Riding the Lightning
4:44 PM

>>>