Marty : i dont really expect ppl to stand up and help me u know
Martin : well
Marty : i just need to know that i have support bec i know that ultimately, it's up to me
Martin : yeah well, you were the bright guy back then anyway
Martin : dont worry too much
Marty : yeah, things changed

Today is the start of the sem break. The ELC test is done and over with and I just hope my efforts will pay off and even if my nerves can't rest until I see my grade, at least some of the pressure is gone. More importantly, I've learned a lot of things when I look back and see the road from June to October. Most of them were harsh and a few of them really broke my spirit.

What makes it all difficult anyways? I never really knew. I just know it does. I guess it was wrong to say things haven't changed because they have. I just didn't pay attention. I'm not the person who I used to be. I feel weaker and stronger at the same time; weak, because I have admitted defeated so many times and strong because somehow I'm still here, living.

Many friends have stepped up to help me when I am at my worst and I appreciate that really. I think in the end, I have finally realized that I am not alone at all. Sure, we each have our one lonely roads to walk in but that doesn't stop us from having company during the journey. Sometimes, we need it. I can't deny that fact. Honestly, I wouldn't pass Math without the help of Marc or Carlos. I wouldn't pass ELC without the effort the whole block put into reviewing. After most of my HS friends have been bombarded with asssignments and projects, it was hard for me to stand on my own but they still came when I needed it. I'm not alone at all.

Here I am now, writing again. I do not know what I'm writing about but I'm guessing it's somewhere along the lines of what I had learned and what's about to come. What can I say? The sem break screams for me to write something and I miss writing so much but more importantly, I miss that part of writing where you immerse yourself into your world. My world's changing constantly so maybe that's why I never finished one good story. It's sad I know but I want to work hard this time. I want to write Lonely Roads again but this time, I'm not going to stay in quiet Riverwalk, I'm going outside. The story will move just as I do. It's a personal touch and it might not be smart, professional-wise, but I am not a professional. I'm far from it.

What inspires me? I do not know but I guess I'm going to write this story so that when I look back, I won't say that I forgot anything or anyone. I was never good at keeping things but I'm pretty good at telling stories. I think that's who we are really, we're all stories. Each movement is a word in a sentence, in an hour, in a year. We move on day by day like pages of each chapter and our lessons, priceless. Our stories may not go always our way but that's all part of the drama. What's a story without conflict? Boring, that's what and you can't dismiss the fact that when you take a look back one day, you will realize that the hardships have made you who you are, be it for better or worse.

Things change. That's the simple fact of life. My conversation with Martin taught me that I am not the bright guy that I used to be but that doesn't matter because I'm okay the way I am now. It doesn't change a thing.

Ryan : u did wat u cud n thats that
Marty : crap
Ryan : look at it this way, wen sembreak comes u'l b doing a whole lot of stuf that wil take ur grades of ur mind
Ryan: lyk i sed, we did wat we cud, watevr happens, we jst kp on going
Marty : aye, life sucks
Marty : embrace it