It doesn't seem like I need to write anything down but seeing as this place seems to be so quiet now and that many of my links are starting to decay as no one updates as much, I feel a need to write down something at least.

I wrote an essay for a contest a friend wanted me to join. It was an essay out of topic for me, it involved moving away from apathy. I didn't know how to write it because how can I write something that contradicts me? That sunday morning, I woke up with a great idea how to somehow go around the point and I ended up, pointing the finger at me. The words and the emotions were easy to write down after that, I didn't feel restricted or felt like I was a hypocrite as I wrote the essay but at the same time, it was really hard to face the fact that you are one of those people who hardly care about anything else but yourself.

I used to care. I used to care about a lot of things. What I cared about most was the fact that everyone I knew had a problem I couldn't help in. I cannot stand it if I cannot help a friend in need but at the same time, I wouldn't lift a finger to help a complete stranger. Is that evil? Am I all wrong? It's selfish, yes but I couldn't save the world. I would love to be a superhero and save the day left and right but I'm not, I accepted that, I cannot do anything.

Sometimes, I think it's better if I just didn't care about anyone but myself. That's one of the voices that always whispers at the back of my mind; just make some jokes, be sarcastic, smile, make it look like you care, that's what it says. What then, do I then throw away everything I believe in, everything I have lived for until now? I don't think I can stop caring.

I write this down to finally close that essay I wrote on a Sunday morning. The contest limited me to 2 pages where I could have written more and I can't settle for that. There is much to say about apathy but I think there is much more to say about giving a damn instead. I give a damn about things, especially things I want to protect. I do not like writing about things I do not care about, I'd rather write things I do care about. That essay seemed all wrong for me, it wanted to point fingers but honestly, I wouldn't have liked it any other way. Call me crazy, but I'd rather write something I can feel guilty about rather than something I can feel nothing about.

Just think about it