Today is like any dismal day. I woke up at around 5am and went straight to my PC to play RFO. It's not a very exciting game to play in the morning but I didn't feel very excited to get up anyways. So the game was basically for me to hack and slash everything I see in the map and it demands my whole attention to do so -good thing- because I really didn't want to be thinking of anything or anyone right then.

It got kind of lonely as I played on until the time now -which is 8am- so I stopped and decided to check my music. I just finished downloading the Seether Album Karma and Effect. The songs were cool, my type of funk, so I decided to get more. I went around to find Apocalyptica and introduce myself to a new band called Arctic Monkeys. It seems to have the most number of downloads for an Alternative Rock band. In any case, the Seether songs are cool. They're kind of sad but then so is around 70% of my library.

I've been thinking about Valentine's day a lot. I keep wondering what kind of mush will hit the fan on the lovey day. I'm thinking of what to do for that day yet I'm kinda reluctant to try something, that's just me I guess. Afraid of a little human contact. Loneliness has been my only companion. As far as I've noticed, I'm pretty invisible to most people. I guess the only consolation I have is that I can write down what's eating at me here in my blog.

I watched the RahXephon Movie yesterday after a year of searching. It was so sentimental that I felt my heart get heavy all of a sudden. It annoyed me a little because it was eating at me again -these mushy feelings of love- but it wasn't big compared to how incredibly sentimental I felt after watching it. I want to say that I deeply care for someone in my life but I won't really know unless I actually say it... or have it reciprocated. Carlos told us once (in a panel discussion about what is love) that love has to be "selfish" and it shouldn't be done in martyrdom. I use "selfish" because you need to have it given back and it shouldn't be done in martyrdom because love is meant to be reciprocated. If that's the case then, I have never loved anyone because no one has ever reciprocated. Sad fact isn't it? Well... 5am to 8am alone and watching the sunrise makes you think a lot.

I spent the whole day yesterday in 129 alone. None of my friends went there and no one was at home so I basically just sat there and played games, occassionally talking with friends in YM. Who were they hmmm... well there was Lynn (who forgot to give back the ELC manual I kind of needed hehe), AC (who is going to decide his shifting this weekend), Stanley (who I talked to about public transpo(?)), Joan (who I haven't spoken to for a long time), Charmie (who I asked about the SA field trip), RJ (my cousin who is apparently at my house) and finally Gerome! (who's my good friend who is also having some problems in acads). Well, I didn't know what exactly to talk to them about but I tried haha. I mean you know, just to talk. I didn't want anything from them (maybe except Lynn for the manual haha) I just wanted to see what was up, all the while realizing that it was harder than I expected to have a long conversation with anyone because everyone has stuff to do. I guess the only time you can really talk to someone is if you put them in a little box like what I did to myself haha.

Amazing what you find out if you think too much. You rant on and on and one right? Getting tired of reading? then I'll end it here now. Good Morning.