It has been a somewhat good weekend. With the consolation of no classes today and last friday, it would seem like a perfect getaway from the hectic weeks of the impending finals on March but really, it was bittersweet.

Friday was a good day to start. When I heard class was suspended, Berk sent me a message if I wanted to go to his house. Seeing as I had nothing to do at home, I did. The night prior to friday, I had this long chat with Jeff where I talked about my issues. I didn't expect him to listen given the years apart since graduation day but then I guess it came as a bit of a surprise to see that some old ties still held. I didn't expect anyone to care whenever I talked about my problems, neither did I expect for someone to make me feel better but I guess I was wrong. I still have a few diamonds.

In any case, I went to Berk's for a break from this melancholic drama. I spent the day with him and his brother playing PS2 games. It was such a blast haha. Our weird vocabulary just learned at least five new phrases that day. We spent most of the day playing XMen Legends 2 which was a great beat em up game. We plowed through 7 hours at least. Eventually we took a break from the game and I decided to just stay over. My parents agreed, making this my first impromptu overnight haha. I really missed overnights away from home. I didn't really like staying at home for weeks now, it seemed like a vacation.

During our break from XMen Legends 2, we talked about, well... things that were going on lately. We talked about friends, school but there were was a lengthy topic about writing. It was then I decided to let Berk into my written journal about the creation of Kid Thunder because for one thing, I think he had been there since day one of creation and I felt he deserved to know, as a friend. I guess writing in that thing made me see things more clearly about why I am like this. Looking at our writings closely, I think we were actually writing about our lives. "I didn't think they were all outlets" he said. I think that's what it has always been, they were all outlets. We would talk for hours about what we wanted to write without us knowing that we may be just talking about something more. I always thought that everyone had a story, I just forgot that fact. In the end, I will always wish that we will make it as good storymakers because it's the one thing we can always be proud of.

I have not a lot of things to smile about but being true in my writing does. Not many would believe in me, but I have to believe in what I'm writing. I'm writing my life, I have to believe in that.

After I went home, life resumed. Staying at home got me antsy, I didnt want to stay long but with the commotion that is our country, I didn't really want to go out either. I spent most of the night chatting. Lester went online! We talked about random stuff again haha. It felt like a relief from dealing with issues. I have coined that term now: Issues -- problema ng buhay.

The main issue that seem to bubble out of every chat I have is friendship. Believe me, I have my own issue about the thing. Really, it's easy making friends but it's hard letting them go. Sometimes you get friends who care deeply for you yet there are times that you feel betrayed as well. In my opinion though, every friendship is worth saving BUT it takes two to save it. If one doesn't want to be friends anymore then by all means, learn to let it go. Personally, I am through being the good guy who tries to fix everything. I have to choose who to trust more carefully... and maybe I have.

jeff : marty...
jeff : its not too late to show ur weaknesses
jeff : i think its never too late
jeff : even though u luk tough before
jeff : but if its destroying u now
jeff : u should not care wats ur reputation before
jeff : u should be able to stand up and try to solve ur problems today...
Marty : that's actually gud advice haha

A good friend shows his strength as well as his weaknesses. Yes, he's right. But your weaknesses in the hands of the wrong person can really... with no other word to describe it... sucks.

"I have spent half my life betraying a friends or an ideal I believed in... the other half? Is spent trying to find the strength to say I'm sorry"