It was Charles Darwin who stated that it will be the strong who will remain. Evolution is centered around that notion. In a race for resources, it will always be the one with power who will succeed. I did not want to really believe that power was everything, if that was the case I'd be the first one out.

I was never a strong person to begin with. I was never good in sports, neither was I in academics or with people for that matter, everything was always short of what was expected. So I often wonder how I get through the things I do though inadequate at every turn. I believe that in every person's life, there is a point where one has to wonder if what he/she is doing is really enough to be strong. I do most of the time, I wonder if I am really... strong; by heart and mind.

My role models have always been victims of adversities. I am drawn to them because it seemed like I wanted to face adversities to know if I was really that strong. It isn't because I wanted to fail, but because I wanted to test my limits. I want to be believe that, don't you? It seems like a more optimistic way of looking at things. Then again, it calls for a lot of very hard decisions.

It wasn't long ago that Myles and I had a talk about "being strong". Looking at my friends, it seems the numbers has slowly been declining. People were leaving or just wasn't there anymore. Yet, the ones that remain have become like family to me. Interestingly enough, we had a pretty serious conversation that day and I learned a lot of things. Most of all, about dealing with people and about a certain book. I warn you, this may offend some people.

I have this weird characteristic of mine to fix people. It's like, I become friends with people who are not really that popular or strong, in hopes of seeing something there which is... great. I do not know what it is but I call it a martyr complex, I have to save people which is no wonder why in high school and grade school, my friends have always been the quiet introverts. Don't get me wrong, I've also met quite some extroverted friends but it was the introverts who I grew fondest with. Why? Because I had sympathy for them. I want to see them in their greatest. Aptly put while talking to Myles, I look for diamonds in the dirt. Dunno man, just my crowd.

Even then, I can't seem to become better at the things I do. Seems like, I've been the same person since high school. Sure, people can attest that change has had its way with me but deep down, nothing really changed. We talked a while about it. I have changed, it was just that there were some people who drag me down. I have been used to being the one who has to sacrifice for the group. Believe me, I have planned as much things to make breaks and weekends interesting for everyone and I have always lent an ear to anyone with problems then again, as much as I have trusted some people, they did not really change. I gave up trying to change people, I then just wanted to change myself but then again, these people so desperate for change, want to pull me down. Seems like I have a new thing to hate.

I don't really know what being strong is about but I may have found a useful quote to help. Leave the weak, to follow the path of the strong is already in itself a large step forward. I got that from the Slam Dunk manga Gali lent me. Even if some people scrutinize me for getting a quote from an anime, wouldn't you agree that this holds true? Hate to say this but I've grown sick and tired of being the martyr all the time. Maybe I'll become better if I leave behind the things that hold me down. Cold? Harsh? It's the same as letting go. You still want to become people's scapegoat then be my guest but I'm not going to let that happen anymore. I have my own life to worry about.

I'll always remember what he said in reply to diamonds. Sometimes, there aren't any diamonds at all, just dirt.