I think I have totally forgotten what I was supposed to write down for the day because of the sheer mind-numbing breaks that I have to spend everyday. My brain gets toasted after 6 to 7 hours of nothing. I have tried to preoccupy myself with things like reading a book or trying to stretch conversations to hours on end and yet I feel a little bit of sanity leave me whenever I look at my watch to see that only 15 minutes have passed.

Anyways, the 5 hours today was spent first by going to 129. I didn't play dota, I just wanted to watch a friend of mine do. I was really sleepy because I had to wake up at 7:30. I tell you, it's like High School. All I have to do is to remember how I dealt with it, just that I had the comfort of my own classroom and classmates to work with it... how to deal now, well... is actually going to take a little more testicular fortitude. That's a good word to live by in my case this sem, FORTITUDE. I wonder if I have enough of it.

We had a funny thing to do today. Our blockmate Mel told us she knew how to read our love lives by using a deck of cards. One of my guy blockmates tried it and it was funny because the translation was that he had another man in his life hahaha. Calling it bullshit, he tried again and he got the same response, it was hilarious. Naturally, I was curious how well mine would go. The prediction came around something like, the girl I like is really close with someone -a guy- who was close to me, though I myself am close to the girl. Simply put, I have a fricking love triangle so... I don't really want to think about it... if it's meant to be, then it is. No use crying over something I can't do anything about. Only her happiness matters even if it doesnt involve me.

I made a somewhat interesting impression in Philo class today. I was one of the people who asked a question that couldn't be answered. We were asked to introduce ourselves as well say what question we wanted to ask... I asked if there really is paradise. I already knew that there was no answer and I wanted to know if the prof was one of those people who think they know everything then again, he just said that the question had no answer and moved on. So maybe it isn't going to be that bad, our prof's kinda sound on the subject. It's the question I ask myself ever since 3rd year High School when I first laid my eyes on Earth X. I pretty much came to a conclusion that paradise eludes us. It exists yet it eludes us countless of times.

I have my share of paradise lost but now, instead of bitching about it - I just want to look at the bright side. Paradise or something like it is always just around the corner, no one just bothers to look. That is what I'd like to believe. It gives me something to look forward to. The basic notion for me to stay happy is just distance and control. If you control something, it is something below you, something not worth worrying about and distance, the lesser involved, the lesser attached, the lesser disappointment I can encounter. Now, you can go ahead and say you're wrong and blah blah blah but judge not lest ye be judged. Someone might say that what I'm doing is wrong but then that someone has not even walked a step in my shoes. There will come a time when I can safely go out and immerse in humanity but for now, I have to deal with some issues with it.

I want to leave a cool proverb I read:
"Kill one man, you are a murderer; Kill a thousand, you are a king; Kill them all, you are a god."

I dunno, this kinda clicked when I read it.