In our philo classes for the week, we have been posed with a question... does happiness and knowledge have anything to do with each other?

Ah, that question... it's the thing that started it all; all the writing... all the emo... all the questions that kept me awake ever since high school. It was when I asked myself the question am I truly happy that started it all and it all came rushing to me the moment I thought of asking it. Our class offered the 4 possible situations for this question...

1) happy by knowing the truth
2) unhappy knowing the truth
3) happy not knowing the truth
4) unhappy not knowing the truth

Our teacher also posed to us the question (in relation to the Truman show), "What was he looking for outside the world he was living in? was it happiness? the truth? or love?" It would be easy to say love since there was a love interest in the story as it would be easy to reason out that the truth was what he sought since he had lived his life as a lie all this time yet... I really believed he did what he did for happiness. My answer was puzzling to my classmates because I myself cannot explain it well - much more, in filipino.

My point was this... no one can be happy living a lie; by happy I mean, truly happy. Which led to him asking if I didn't believe the 3rd statement stated above. Yes, I didn't agree with it and it led to this long discussion about just simply that. Sir Aurelio told us something about what kaligayahan is - it's the kind of happiness that's self-sustaining where it isn't just a temporary high we experience but instead, a long lasting contentment with everything. I really believe in such a thing... I have to - which is why I can never accept a lie to make me happy.

There is a saying that ignorance is bliss but what does bliss exactly mean? All I know of bliss is that its temporary ecstasy and that it is nothing compared to what true happiness can bring. I want to believe in a paradise where I can no longer feel pain, regret or sadness but feel peace in my heart and mind. I know it sounds like some mystical voodoo crap but have you ever thought of how happy you really are? I mean, how significant is what you're doing to what you ultimately want? I think everyone does what they do just to attain that happiness - a notion sir also pointed out. Everyone hopes that in the thing he/she does, the end result would give us our paradise. Does knowing then, make all the difference? Once you know that the life you're living in is not all its cracked up to be, wouldn't it be better to escape to look for the thing you are actually looking for? Knowledge can do that, you have but to ask.

I guess that brought back the question "what was I looking for?" I know it's happiness, I figured that out long ago yet I couldn't find out where. The where has always eluded me. Can anyone really know where happiness lies? Even in our class, we couldn't answer that - that's how problematic it was for me. I have waited years for an answer only to know that it was an answer that no one can provide. I guess in the back of my mind, there was no answer because it seemed to good to be true. That's what paradise is, it's too good to be true.

Tell me now then... can you find real happiness by not knowing the truth? Can your paradise be attained by believing in something you only thought to be true? What kind of paradise then do you live in if you base the authenticity of your contentment on the fallacy of your reality? That's not true happiness - you're actually escaping it. So now when you finally realize you need to know the truth to find your piece of heaven... I leave you with the question I asked myself years ago, where do you start looking?