Nearing the end of the sem, I have suddenly found myself drained of enthusiasm. The end of the sem pretty much means that I will say goodbye to my blockmates as each person goes off in their own endeavors for the break. I have to admit that I've met some great people this sem and it has definitely been fun.

Now on to the more serious stuff.

I have noticed something I find mildly amusing which is, (not to be sexist) girls often talk to me just when they need something. Now, before any of you decide to say 'oh my god, so not' I implore that you see things in my point of view. I read through my archives one day and came to this realization. Almost every one of my conversations with the opposite sex has something asking of me except maybe the few who actually WANT to have an intellectual conversation.

I would like to rant more about this. I can understand how sometimes they'd overlook me for being more than their therapist but really, I sometimes find it rather insulting. If not, the friendship looks awful one-sided don't you think? Whenever a girl messages me I often expect that I will be asked for a favor, which is actually true. They do, but it's something I don't really mind because for one thing, I don't really care if they just see me as a therapist -- I'm just there to help. It's just that sometimes, I get really insulted when the conversation is just solely based on a favor.

I especially loved the quote Sophia gave me one day when she told me, "If everyone would rather be the light to shine your brightest day, I'd rather be the moon to shine your darkest night." I guess for me, being part of the fun part of friends is not always going to happen but then when everything starts to crash down, I find myself in the middle of the crosshair for some reason. In my case, I accepted the fact that I will not be the guy they'd invite to birthday parties or gimiks or even just lunch but then again, I'd be one of the people they'd go to when something's wrong. Is that an honor to be considered as counsel? or am I treated like a genie that they can use at their beckon call?

Am I being used? I sure hope not because if that was ever the case, you should be ashamed of yourself -- you've just wasted my time and effort to make you feel better. One thing I can't stand is when a friend is distressed. It bugs the hell out of me, so much so that I want to make things better. People do abuse that fact and I know, don't think I don't because actions speak louder than words and what I see in people's actions, it's downright appalling. Can you imagine what I'm talking about? To have conversations where they just talk to you to ask something from you and when you're done, you're back in the reserves. That hurts.

So now that you have seen my side of the story, I do hope this somehow reaches you people. I have no qualms about people who do this because I accept the fact that to some people, I'm just a label not a person. After all, I said this was a rant right? If you do feel somehow surprised by what I said and actually found this to hit a certain bullseye (or tinamaan ka) then by God, you might have a conscience. That's actually good... you understand me better now.

Why did I write this unbelievably selfish entry? It's simple: it amuses me and perhaps, I've grown tired of playing therapist or tutor all the time. What kind of friend are you if that's all I am to you? Pretty selfish, I think. Shame on you then.