Wednesday, November 08, 2006
. : Legendary Luck : .
I remember when they first pointed to me and called me a person of legendary luck. Myles held that finger and everyone else ushered in agreement when he told me, "Boo, legendary luck." as we played our game of monopoly for the nth time. The title has stuck and I've worn it proudly since that day - Legendary Luck.
I've lived my life in accordance to this title, dodging and getting through whatever life throws at me. Be it grades, games or problems, I've always somehow managed to get through without hitch. Sometimes barely, surviving by the skin of my chinny chin chin... or sometimes dodged it altogether. I'd then make it a point to say something funny when the whole ordeal was done. Somethine sarcastic and funny to make it seem like no big deal. I guess that's why some people would call me an asshole or to put it in better terms, a lucky sonuvabitch. I can't remember how many times Myles, Stan and Glenn said, "Boo Marty" to me whenever I pull another one out of the bag. I guess that's why there would be always be the people who hate me because it seems like I can just make a joke out of anything just because I can.
It was just recently that someone pointed out just how lucky I was. A conversation turned emo pointed out that "I had a better life" which is why I can make it better out of this life. I remember how Glenn used to say that to me over and over, implied and explicitly. And I got so angry whenever he said it. I never knew the reason why I got so angry whenever he pointed how better I was. Glenn was somewhat better than me in a lot of things but he'd say it still that I was better... better liked... just plain better and it irritated me because it was as if he was rubbing it in my face. Now pointed with the same statement, it brought back those countless times of arguing with Glenn. Always judging me to be a better man when he knew nothing about what kind of life I lived...
Do you know how hard it is to make a joke after everything's over? To make up something funny when you just made it out something really unpleasant? Amidst all that you went through, you have to find that one funny thing - that one bright side - to make yourself, as well as others, feel better because frankly, I don't see why someone has to go through something unpleasant if you can't get anything out of it that makes you a better person. Being better has nothing to do with this however and that's what he failed to understand.
Better. Was I? Was anybody? I think no one is better but that's of course just one man's opinion. I think people just get lucky most of the time. We're born into a life under a circumstance, a luckier life or have better luck with friends and all that but it doesn't mean that one life is better. I don't want to believe that I am better than anybody, you know why? Because I can't think of one reason to deserve being above another person. There is not one thing in my mind that makes me believe that I deserve to be called 'better', man. I'm alive for a reason, given life for a reason but this reason doesn't make me better. In fact, it makes no one better.
When someone is born, they will inevitably die so it's all the same for everyone but what's between life and death, ah that's a brainteaser ain't it? All I see between those two points are circumstances. That's in fact, what makes it funny; that each person goes through these circumstances in their own way. I can just make a joke about it and not care because it's just a matter of a great cosmic dice roll. Sure, you can make your life turn around countless times but it doesn't always guarantee success. More often than not, there's going to be someone or something to sweep you off you feet and make you fall flat on your butt. The only thing you can really do is improve the odds - try the best you can and hope for the best. It's like jumping into water, just hold your breath and hope instincts take over - learn how to swim if it makes you survive better, but it doesn't mean you'll always survive when you do. That doesn't make anyone better, it just makes people luckier. That's why I hate it when people run their mouths about being better than anyone else or saying that they're worse than someone, they're not - they just got a crap roll.
If you believe that you're predestined to be better or be worse than someone, then what's the point in living when you're not going anywhere? It's as if to say you're born to lose in this game. Does being better mean you're born to win? Hahaha don't make me laugh, no one wins in life, you always have to pay something to gain something or to better clarify, you pay something and HOPE to gain something. Life's a messy dealer that way, don't you think? But you don't want to play at Death's table, he/she ALWAYS wins there.
I'm glad enough to live (thank God for small miracles) but I know it's not for free. I got lucky sure, but that doesn't mean I don't have to pay my dues. After all, I have to improve the odds to keep my winnings. I think no one really knows how life works, no science to this gamble - not one scientist or philosopher knows - so why bother. It's too big for a small human being to understand, why fight it? Like I said, just hold your breath and hope for the best. No one is better than anybody else... it's just a circumstance.
Legendary luck? Haha, I guess so. It's just that I know how to play my cards right and maybe, a little blessing now and then makes the deal a little sweeter and with playing with life as the dealer, you'd hope to improve the odds at any chance you take. When you get lucky, thank god for small miracles
Riding the Lightning
11:33 PM
