The Lonely Road

The name's Marty

age: 20
sign: Libra
hobbies: writing, reading, games

Quotes of my life:

1. I spent half my life betraying a friend or an ideal I believed in,
The other half is spent trying to find the strength to say "I'm sorry" -Nighthawk

2. Nothing should be able to do that, especially not love -Rose Walker

3. By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe -V

4. When you're on you're knees you're closer to the ground -Tori Amos

5. Why must the grieving be so short and this life so long? -Silver Surfer

6. You should never forget that people do care -Richmond

7. Love was never meant to be such a crazy affair, and who has time for tears? -Akira Yamaoka

8. Friend, at your service! -Berk

9. Happy is me cuz only u make urself miserable -Myles

10. Safe to say, everyone believes in your willpower -Glenn

11. On the road to redemption, just because we are told not to forget
doesn't mean we have to go through things alone -original

12. One true friend is better than a dozen liars -confessional

13. Just live life -James

14. I'd rather be the moon to shine your darkest night -Sophia

15. Life is a circumstance -original

16. Better to live in solitude than feel alone amongst a crowd -Faye

17. That's why ice cream stores don't only sell Chocolate and Vanilla,
Once in a while, someone comes in and orders Butter Pecan -Ralph Digby

18. And so, I'll follow you through the darkness of this world, no matter the pain,
Because I know that you'll be there to light my way -God Knows

19. Sometimes, people build walls around them to have people knock them down -???

20. Now, you listen to me, James Hawkins. You got the makings of greatness in you, but you got to take the helm and chart your own course. Stick to it, no matter the squalls! And when the time comes you get the chance to really test the cut of your sails, and show what you're made of! Well, I hope I'm there, catching some of the light coming off you that day. -John Silver

Still some more to be found...

Sunday, December 10, 2006
Hearts and the Idiot

" Sorrow is what I hate but it's grown my sensations
Regrets taught me how to make any hard decisions
Peace is always by my side but I've never felt it once
Love is not the word only for the sweet romance"

I mean the clouds were talking about it all day, weren't day? About how topsy-turvy, wishy-washy and ball-busting the world has become. Mr. Nobody said the world was a drooling idiot and I have to agree... It is a big fat idiot after all with cold spots on its extremities and pimples we'd like to call land masses on its face and I happen to be walking on this drooling idiot along with everyone else. Would that necessarily mean everyone here is an idiot too? Maybe... I happen to consider myself a very big idiot but that's just admitting what's really true. I know some people who will never admit to themselves to being idiots, they're too idiotic to see that.

But for those who are idiotic enough to listen to another idiot in this idiotic world (yes, ive written the word idiot 11 times now, I'm aware), I'd like to exclaim how I feel like I've been swimming for 5 straight hours. You know the feeling right? After 5 hours of swimming, your legs are kinda weak, your vision gets kinda blurry, your eyes start to water and you're too tired to pick yourself up. That's what I'm feeling but honestly, I haven't been swimming for 5 hours, it's just that it feels that way s'all.

Probably another analogy for the feeling I'm having is to have to sit through a math class on a perfect summer afternoon. It's excruciatingly painful, simple right? It feels as though you're world is being torn apart into

P

I

E

C

E

S

Yes, math class does that to me. Sitting inside a rinky-dinky classroom while looking outside the window, is simply unbearable. I could just stand up and leave probably, but that won't get me anywhere in my so-called future would it? Haha the idiot has rules! or are they really rules? I've always been under the impression that the world hates me because I think of it as idiotic. Who'd have thought that the world didn't want to be called an idiot? but I don't want to blame it, it's just there not doing anything - spinning on its axis, rotating around some star since the dawn of time - I'd go crazy and take it out on people too if I was the one in its place. Wow, something in common, mutual bitterness - I think I'm in love.

I want to know a lot of things, really but more than anything, I want to know about myself. I want to know why I'm such an idiot. I want to know why I have things called feelings or why they have to be hurt. I want to know the line between friends and lovers, when to cross that line. I myself can never put myself under a microscope, if I could, maybe I could make wiser decisions, decisions that won't ultimately bite me in the ass. But as my friend Chester pointed out, if I got what I wanted everytime, I wouldn't be living a life. Even so, I do want some things to go right sometimes - I think I am due some good days or blessings - just that, well, I don't so I'm angry, pissed and, most of all, hurt.

In the end though, I cannot do anything about it. I will remain the idiot, trying to learn from my mistakes in the hopes to make things better and I will still remain on this drooling idiot of a world that messes it all up.

I do appreciate that you value our friendship, I guess I really need to know that to move on.

Final thoughts? I wish I was a fireball. How's that?

Riding the Lightning
9:39 PM

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