Yesterday was the planned year ender thing that Berk and I were planning. Yes... the last outing for the year before 200-fucking-7 comes running us over. As usual, I was planning the thing and as usual, I expected the few to go to it because let's face it... I've quit expecting something out of anyone - this would be my New Year's resolution as well.

In any case, those who didn't go missed out on a cool trip; Driving down to Makati, Rubber Penises, Best Friend talks, House of the Dead 4, Boxing, Chilis, Poker, Smash and the combined craziness that is us to name a few. Yes, truly it was a grand day as was evident by the damage done on Richmond's tender thighs and my sore shoulders. It was in fact, a great plan after all and it took no more than 3 people. Take that. At least I can count on the few when I need to.

I can't remember the last time I talked with Richmond about my problems but we did when I dropped Stanley and Berk off Virramall to have them buy a controller. I told him about what happened over the past weeks and the way I've been really bummed out about it - about how it sucks to have to go through "that" all over again when I thought I'd move on from that. Especially about what I really felt about the whole thing, that is angry. I could feel it swelling when I told him about it because I've kept it bottled for so long that it really made me sick. Well, talking about it with Richmond kinda made me feel better. At least I told someone about it already, I didn't have to go into details because he knew - in some way, he always does.

Gave me some good piece of advice though, "You should try being an asshole sometimes, it'll do you a lot of good" or something like that. Haha, I guess I should try being one - heaven knows, I've not been completely honest to myself these couple of weeks and what's more honest to being me than be a little bit of an asshole?

I've also learned that when people get hurt, it's a lot easier to get angry rather than feel sad. I know because I'd rather be angry than see myself as a puddle of self-pity -- isn't that the case with everyone in fact? For now, I think I want to be left alone. Not kidding this time, I just want to shut things out completely until I'm sure I can walk on my own two feet. Neither love nor regret has anything to do with it... I just don't want any of either - I'm spent and I'm tired. Exhausted to function at all...

*sigh* back to normal eh...