Tuesday, January 30, 2007
A Little Pain ~Nana
I miss the way that I wake up every morning with you on my mind. The world seems simpler and happier that way; as each day greets me with a loving embrace and I think to myself how lucky I am to share this day with you- somewhere, someplace. The thought of you kept me confident of the day ahead - love makes you stronger in ways you never thought it could and for me, it gave me strength to face anything life can possibly throw at me. I don't feel lonely when I think of you. I always somehow feel warm when you're on my mind and I always have a smile on my face whenever I whisk away to sleep.It's hard to keep believing in that now and as painful as it is, I'm finding it really hard to be alone again. What made it hard was the fact that maybe for the first time, I wanted to feel something for someone again and for one selfish moment, wanted to feel special as well. I thought I was but I guess that's not the case because I was after all, since the day, "just a friend".
I should be happy since I am a friend of yours and was fortunate enough to have met you in my lifetime but why does the word friend hurt so much the way it does? Isn't a friend a good thing? I've had so many people use the word friend to lead me astray. They'd say one thing and mean another and they treat me like a child, saying "I said that not to hurt your feelings" and for what? Because I was a good guy and they would never think of hurting a good guy... then tell me, how does a good guy learn? I guess some people would rather let someone believe in a lie rather than give them the truth as what a so-called friend would do. If it meant that I have no chance with you, so be it but before any of these emotions rose, you were always there as my friend -- a friend I can hold on to, a friend I found strength in, a friend to greet the day with me.
Now, the day seems sadder and the wind is slightly colder. All the while, I kept wondering if I would ever find a better answer for my questions in life, by myself. I don't want to be left behind anymore than I already am or even, I don't want to stagnate in this circumstance any longer. I want things to keep changing, to keep moving -- to have the world throw everything it can possibly throw at me because amidst the whirling dervish, I will find a life worth living if not with you, then for myself.
Despite all that, the truth remains. I still miss you. I always have because you just weren't there
Riding the Lightning
7:20 AM
