Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Picking Up Guns
I just finished reading Infinite Crisis a few days ago and I must say it's definitely worth every buck spent -- mainly for the one reason that for the first time, I saw Batman pick up a gun and actually threatened to use it.
I've come across those times as well -- a certain time when I am so tempted to pick up a gun and simply point and shoot at the things that I find wrong in the world. I guess for this time, I am not angry at myself anymore but instead, angry at something else which is why the end of the barrel isn't pointed at my own cranium anymore but instead, on the person right next to me.I have been sick recently. Staying up late brought back my headaches and out of my total abandon, I have forgotten to take care of my health; often skipping meals because I just wasn't in the mood hence my ulcer. It's one of those times when you want to desperately hold on to something to make you feel better but then you find the only thing you're holding is either a knife or a gun that's looking mighty friendly.
I mean, you try to keep it all together day by day and try to go to sleep in one piece without being another car accident on the way home.
Then you come to a point where someone pushes your buttons just the right way -- the precise way-- to unravel everything you've tried to bottle up. Next thing you know, he's on the ground lifeless, you're on top of him with bloodied fists and you find your throat sore because for some reason, you've been screaming. The really creepy thing? You feel a WHOLE LOT better. That's how the day feels like now. I guess maybe the one thing I held on to was the only thing keeping me together, focused, inspired and now that that dream is slowly being dismantled as each day passes, everything slowly crumbles back into the way they were.
I can only cross my fingers and hope everything gets better because I'm so tired of waking up without a reason. I wish I mattered enough to make me believe in myself.
Later
Riding the Lightning
10:24 PM
