The shit officially hit the fan today as I found myself in the most unfortunate of circumstances. Things just keep slipping from my mind and I seem to misplace a lot of my things as the day goes on -- now, I'm missing two of my books and my mp3 player... still going to look for them though but I really doubt I can...

Aside from that, I get fined while parking in Ateneo past 6 which is weird cuz I remember that it was only in the cornfields that you weren't allowed to park past 6... apparently, that extended all over to north carpark. Lucky me.

On the final note, I had to face the music and tell the rents about it and like any parent, they used the parent card as I was lectured about how irresponsible I am. I'm not going to lie about it -- I was irresponsible in losing these things and I accept whatever punishment they were giving me which is basically, me having to fix my own mess. I guess I'll have to lay low for a while and stop talking to them until they feel better. I guess it all just piled up on this particular day so I wanted to get it over with and tell them everything that went wrong and face the music. Parents will be parents after all.

I can't believe I have to fix such a big mess tomorrow-- it's going to hurt my wallet at the least. But I'm more afraid about what's happening to me. I"m such a mess, I can't focus at all. I just didn't notice it pile up over the week until it finally catches up to me and it's usually a bad sign when I have no choice but to tell the rents about it. I really need to center or else I'm going to fall apart. I actually feel like I can focus again after what happened yesterday. I said what I had to say, didn't regret a thing, saved a friendship and managed to make a joke about it in the end. Maybe I can get it all together again but still, I have to face the music for losing focus in the first place.

I guess maybe that's the one thing my parents will never understand -- that I have my own reasons for slipping up. Parents will be parents as they dismiss everything you say as something that doesn't matter compared to what they went through and they can be really dense in hearing what you have to say. I know -- my parents are like that. My parents will never understand me, I have learned to accept that. I will always be their son but I will never be Marty in their eyes-- it's a curse and blessing at the same time. I guess I just have to take the obligations I have to do, swallow my pride when I'm scolded and take the punishment like a man but I can never do or feel anything more than the responsibilities they invoke on me.

An example? They think that my comic books, which are one of the most important things in the world for me, are a waste of money. What's more, they say these things without even reading through one. I hate it when they do that because it's like they don't respect the things I find precious in my life. Honestly, I learned a lot more life lessons reading those than spending time with my parents so what gives them the right to say it was a waste of money? Most of the time, I think they don't even know what they're talking about because they're so intent on making their point.

I often wonder what they value more... my character or my results because they seem to just leave me alone as long as my results are satisfactory. Even though they say that they value my character more, actions say otherwise. They never really pay attention to my "character" until I do something wrong in which case, it's time to use the parent card again as they lecture me about why it's important to be a good person in a bad world. Why does it seem that they only notice me when I do something wrong? Because they're parents that's what -- I came to terms with that a long time ago.

Just let them think I'm a screw-up, I don't really give a damn. I'll take it until they leave me alone about it. They don't know me well enough to really understand me and give me the comfort I need whenever I come home -- it's no big deal, it's always been like this since I started having a mind of my own. My solace is in other places... it's just never at home.