Sunday, March 11, 2007
Self-Destruct Please
It's another one of those days. It's one of those days when you wake up groggily to find that the TV is open and Chris Rock is yammering on and on with his rants. His endless rants somehow nudges you out of bed and your eyes find its focus as you see your brother crashed into the bed beside yours. He sleeps humbly as you groan about your premature awakening then your mind puts the pieces together. He left the goddamn TV open.It was insensitive and stupid of him to leave it open. I have been suffering from lack of sleep and rest for over 2 weeks and the one weekend I have to rest, he ruins.
Aside from that, everything else doesn't give me a break. I'm running low in my electromag class plus have 3 more projects to finish. My friday nights are now curfewed to 12 and my parents seem to make a big fuss about me wearing shorts all the time. What the fuck is right. But I didn't want to deal with whatever they had to say so I just put on some good pants and get the "Sunday Family Time" over with before I have Monday to jump into.Yesterday, I had my pc fixed but was given a ticket for illegal parking. I don't want to get into the details but I'd want to say it was unfair since the guy in the shop said it was okay. I guess this sem won't let up until it's all over. Can't wait... I made plans.I want to self-destruct. Boys and girls, it's been fun but there's only so much a mind can handle. I wanna kill my inhibitions for once and just let loose. It'll do me a lot of good. As much as I want to have someone there to help me get through this (a thought I had entertained all day), I decided that I shouldn't because in the end, I have to deal with days like these for the rest of my life and there won't always be someone there to lean on. Bet on it. It's a lonely road out there and I'm preparing for my trip.
A variety of substance abuse entertained me today. I had thought about alcohol, drugs and (haha) religion until finally settling on good ol' aspirins. I could use some right now-- maybe later. Anti-depressants might work also but I wonder where I can score those without a prescription. Coffee's there but staying awake with your brain working is the exact opposite of what I'm shooting for. Finally, good old sleeping your life away -- always a winner... until you wake up again.
My head feels heavy and light at the same time. I feel weaker than usual -- uninspired to even greet the day. One thing clouds my mind, my judgment and my actions -- that is, when will it all end. I wish I had someone to tell all these things to, I wish I had. I wish I could lower my pride to at least to one person without having them hurt and betray me in the end. I wish I could trust a constant and finally, I wish wishes come true because it seems like a world not worth living if a dream can't come true. What would the world be then but a festering pit of dashed hopes, broken ambitions and despair. That is a world not worth living in.
I'm officially out of it.
Riding the Lightning
7:59 PM
