Wide awake, I stare upwards at my ceiling as my mind begins to drift into emptiness. Everything starts to dim and flicker like a dying flame. From the corners of my eyes, darkness was creeping into my vision as the ceiling I was staring at begins to crumble to reveal the night sky littered with an endless array of stars.

I begin to remember then of some sort of a lifetime. I'm then walking in a sea of people, my hands tucked into my pockets. The air was heavy, I couldn't breathe. There were just too many people... too close, too close. They pushed me around. They shoved. They yelled. They were making so much noise, each of them -- noise. I close my eyes and pressed my hands to my ears to block out the noise everyone was making. I get lost in the crowd as they kept pushing me to wherever and everywhere. An elbow hits the small of my back and pain shoots up my spine. I scream in agony thereby opening my eyes... finding myself in a very familiar place.

The music played in the background. People were swooning, they were running to the front of the stage. I look around and remember the place, it was the high school gym -- Variety Show 2004. It was as dim as I remember it... the air was heavy with the smell of people... I remember the shaky feeling I had in my legs and stomach from the music blasting from the speakers on stage and... and me staring into her. Everything ran in slow motion in that instant. People ran towards the stage but I just stood still, staring at the girl who I thought I would never see again. The girl I never wanted to see again.

In those few seconds our eyes met, I did not feel the warmth I once felt. What I felt was a painful sadness wrapping around my heart, choking me out of breath. It felt like years has passed by since we met in this place... and for me to turn out this way, well, I couldn't believe it. I never realized how deep a wound she left me and it was just at that moment that the wound bled. I really wanted everything to be okay again. I wanted to be happy and I wanted her to be there in my life even if it was just as a friend... I have a lot to regret about but I didn't want you to be one of them but when I remember that night that was so vivid, I realize just how much things have changed and you taught me that night what it felt like to be truly alone.

A song plays in the background but I couldn't hear it as you said goodbye. I was destroyed that day and for years now, I am constantly being tested to keep it all together. For the first time, I gave up on someone who I wanted so hard to believe in. I believed in our friendship so much but I guess we didn't think the same way... It hurt like I would never have ever imagined.

I should have ran away at that instant but I stubbornly approached you. Everything was different then. We were so close, we could trust each other but that time, you hardly wanted to tell me anything even to set things right, to set ME right. I didn't deserve did I? I didn't deserve to be your friend any longer because I said what I felt? You destroyed what little hope I hung on to... and maybe I could never forgive myself for letting that happen.

You left and the lights dimmed as the concert finally ends. The music comes back to my ears, only to hear the words, "Goodbye." I drop to my knees then and cried, I was defeated -- completely devastated. It got dimmer and dimmer until eventually, the dark consumes everything in sight including myself.

A light flickers and I realize that I was still awake. My eyes were wet with tears and I found every breath a task. I didn't want to get up, I just wanted to lay in my bed staring up at the ceiling. I softly hum myself a song -- the song I couldn't hear that night you left. I make up some words, make myself a melody and every night awake I hum myself a tune. The words and melody may change every night but one thing stays the same... the song always ended with "Goodbye" and maybe that makes it all the easier.